Last post....2018

I don’t know how to begin it. It has been an interesting phase of my life. I used to think that I am not the kind of person who reflects on past things. But then in this very year, I meet a very old and dear friend of mine who actually made me realize that in fact, I do. There were pros and cons to this realization but all of it is learning.

So many of you would say that I have stopped writing and posting on my blog, but like I said I am far from giving up on writing. I have been writing and trying to add flavors into my writing. some are good others are different. Similarly, some skills were required for it and then other just came along.

Walking out is not always recommended. But walking out of comfort zone is something that is always required. So, like few of my previous years, same has been the story of this year as well. This year taught me to walk out of my comfort zone. Be it on the personal front, professional front or performance front.

For example, the last time I performed anything solo on stage was more than 10 years ago and it was nothing short of a disaster. But deciding to do open mics was doing exactly the same thing that I feared for a decade ie doing any kind of solo performance. Something that started as an attempt to get out of comfort zone has now transformed itself and stands in front of me as a challenge to achieve perfection in it too.

I know sometime back I posted something saying that a performer never dies. It either evolves or transforms whatever one likes to call it. And then when the drive to achieve perfection is merged with it, what you get is what some people call “New years resolution”. Or atleast a goal that is good enough to drive you for the next 365 days.

During my new professional work, I came across a new term in my life called “Upscaling”. The word is self-explanatory. I guess this word and its meaning has been like a silent hidden angel in my life throughout the past year.

Also, I am not sure if I did justice with all the goals and ethics I had started my year with, but I feel I tried to adhere to them wherever it was needed. I feel they have become a part of my aura and a greater extension of my personality as well. It may seem bad to some but the one thing that I have learned over the year is there is no point in being scared. My teacher once said that “you only fear the unknown”. And all the unknown lies outside our comfort zone and hence breaking it is important. It is what I had been trying and it is what I shall be doing further as well.

I started my year as being “optimist”. Then the world almost made me become a “realist” that to me sounded more like a “pessimist”. In the end, I would still like to call myself an OPTIMIST, because I believe NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.

I know with this fearless attitude of mine I expect to walk alone at time. I have done it in past as well no surprise that I may have to do it in future as well. But I feel once you reach the other side through this route, only truth awaits you. Perhaps that’s how one becomes brave and responsible. I expected many to walk away from me due to this, so did they. I expect the same in future as well. I feel sorry for all those who walked away for whatever reasons they deemed fit. Maybe now it would all sound like excuses to me but then I am reminded of one more thing that my teacher taught me which is “there a short way and then there is the right way”.

I really hope I was baggage and liability in their overall life plan and not just that “unknown” that was present outside their comfort zone or just a victim of their fear. I always felt that I have a greater, a bigger purpose in life. I am not sure whether this year helped me to get close to it or wavier off it by 365 days. But I am sure that writing and being fearless and responsible are the first 3 steps towards it.

The year never panned out the way I wanted it, I don’t like to believe the notion that whatever happens, happens for good. Might I say that it is a phrase one uses to settle. Everyone who came in my life or walked out taught me something. Knowingly and unknowingly you did and for that, I thank you all. But for once I wish to see you all by my side, the day I become successful and respectable enough to find you all by my side. Sorry, 2018 it couldn’t be you, but I hope 2019 it could be you.

And for anyone and everyone who gave up and walked-off from life…. There is always a way back, that is through acceptance, knowledge and fearlessness.

एक यह वक़्त हे तोह है जो अपना है आज,

वरना साँस में आती हवा भी पराइये ही है//

Thank you 2018 for making me fearless. 2019 bring it on!!!! Until we meet again 

Hum hai rahi pyar ke, phir milege chalte chalte.

You in me.

So here we are!  Again! After a very long time, I suppose. I know some might say that it I have stopped writing and diverted my attention towards other things, but trust me it is not at all like this. I have been writing and reading a lot almost daily.

Well its not the kind of reading and writing that I use to do but it not at all different as well. But as they say, you are only human. Not everything is possible. I know it sounds like a regular rant but same goes with me as well ie trying to find the balance in life. But when responsibilities are entrusted upon you, some old things need to pave the way for something new. Same is with me. But then today is indeed a very good day, I thought, for writing something.

And perhaps it is such a nice day to do it as well, because it is friendship day. I know I am not that good of a writer to say anything good or new about such a day, but I would like to give it a try though.

They say, it’s not good to be stuck in your comfort zone. It’s not a good place to be in for a very long time. Maybe, it’s because life never grows in such a confined space. And although moving along is a necessity, doing so could be a real tough challenge. No wonder staying back too takes guts of making sacrifice, but if one chooses to stay back or move along indeed that individual never remains the same after.

Maybe you stayed back but other moved out of your life, maybe other stayed but you moved out of their life (like in my case). Either which ways a fair share of void is left, that can never be filled by anyone else.

But one thing that is actually very similar to comfort zone but does the work in the opposite direction is this friendship zone. And this friendship zone is a zone where everyone carves to be always. If not everyone atleast I do, for sure. The strength, the energy, the motivation this friendship zone gives me is immense. Because at times you may have a biased or narrowed view of the things, but they always have a broader vision of you. When people say friends know more about you than actually, you do, trust me they really do. Atleast in my case, they do. And I am not ashamed to say that a lot of people know quite many things about me and not all of it is nice or amazingly sane or to be proud off... hahaha.  You can’t disagree with it if you are human too.

Because there is so much good that I have learned from them, perhaps I feel that my personality is a slight impersonation of each and every friend of mine. Although they are not with me, they are in me in some way or the other. I personally feel that I don’t have a personality of my own. Its like bits and pieces so many inspiring individuals compiled all in one piece, filling the gaps and holding everything in place.

I know its kind of deep and philosophical thing but if it’s the truth, I don’t mind it being sounding like one. Perhaps me being alive at this point of time, if it depends on the decisions I took in the past, you all were part of that decision. So me doing my best to make the best out of my life is all because of you.

It won’t be justifiable or correct on the part of everyone if I explicitly mention names of only a few. Because even though we all are at a distance from each other, you all are still in me. You all have played a very subtle yet very significant role in my life.

And I know that I am not a big-shot or a super successful person but like I said so many times before

“Life is too short to live with regrets…say it now… do it now”

Your friendship, be it a childhood one or a professional one is alive and breathing me and I try my best to spread it out to other. You may not be remembered more often and personally, but I bet, none of you shall ever be forgotten. I hope you all, at this point in life will understand that staying in constant touch….well… it's not at all easy…hahaha.

Anyways happy friendship day…

And thanks for making me what I am today be it disgracefully good or elegantly bad (No exception should be expected too…hahaha)

Delhi Trip Diary (re-trip).

And so we pulled something again out of the vaults. Something that was never planned before. This thing came up while we were making our way back from Dilli haat to stay place in Noida. On a super cold night when one should spend almost an hour in the cab, such kind of fall-backs can be expected. And if not anything it just gave me an excuse to write something and put it on here.

Even though the night was cold but we were still travelling with the windows of our cab rolled down a bit.  Yes, no doubt pollution is an issue here but then where is it not.

It was the last evening before my friend from Mumbai were leaving back. One must accept that the cold here makes you feel more tired than you are. I have been staying here for almost 2 months now but looking at these guys I can say this for sure. I am not sure about how the rest of the guys and ladies who flew from Mumbai in felt but it was a very nice experience for me.

Going to IGI international airport is a whole lot of motivation on its own. Perhaps when one has dreams they do manifest into reality. But the dreaming is important. Although it was more of an obligation but more than that it was willingness to do such a thing. For bigger goals requires bigger dreams and to dream big one should have big motivation. The departure terminals of IGI airport does make you look deep within your own self and asks you to make a bigger commitment in life hence forth. And so, on one such cold and wintry night all the flights landing and taking off late we made a promise. More than making a promise it was like renewing it. Maybe we have forgotten it but then it is something that is achievable.

Wandering alone in a busy place like Rajiv chowk metro can still be a tough thing. Even though metro prices have been increased but it didn’t reduce the crowd one bit. Perhaps it brings back so many things. But one can be glad that the changes that have occurred are for good only.

5 years down the line so much has changed they say. That is not the problem. The problem is with the things that have not.

For a change looking at the T3 and getting warm hugs on cold night very good. But then walking out towards Ajmeri gate outside Airport Express Metro was a bit tough. The flood of memories bombards you like anything.

Rajpath, India gate, Chandni chowk. One feels a bit tentative to venture into such places. But then the experience I had this time was no match to previous occasion. The republic day parade and the opportunity to meet this super NSG commando was by far the best experience up until now. Perhaps a lot is being done to judge if a person is nationalist or not. but if at all you want to experience and witness what is it to be a Indian come and see this parade atleast once in your life. I agree getting inside is a task but the experience is worth all the effort and pain. One may say the view in the TV is best but the feeling you get here is unmatched. The guzzling sound and vibration a SU-30MKI and the British Army 25-pounders gives you can never be experience on TV.

Then there was this amazing experience at Akshardham temple. Although we were not able to eat the famous tasty Dal Khichadi that we had last time around but the experience was still the same.

I was expecting the laser and water show to be the same as last time but they changed. The tree under which we sat and watched the show was still there. But we choose a different place this time. Infact, the story-line

of the previous show wherein they depicted human emotions was better than what we saw this time but yes experience this time was much better.

And then it was Dilli Haat. What a place. Felt like buying a lot of things to gift but then.. kisko diya jaye yeh pata nai tha…. Hahahaha.. strange feeling it was I tell you. and so while we were returning the story began.

You were missed at times but then it was just for a few moments.

I felt like a Manjhi (Boatsman) during this entire trip picking up my friends from and Airport to dropping them back again. But it was one thing I liked to do. And perhaps I like it because I do it most of the time.

This Manjhi experience has inspired me to write something in detail on this topic as well. And it was in pipeline for some time and since my in-hand project is done, I shall focus my attention towards it. trust me I haven’t stopped writing but nowadays I am writing with more of a purpose.

Because as they (ME) say….

Life is too short to live with regrets.

Say it now…. Do it now.

Thanks D3 family for coming.

Until we meet again.

Hum Hai Rahi Pyar ke Phir Milege Chalte Chalte….