I don’t know how to begin it. It has been an interesting phase of my life. I used to think that I am not the kind of person who reflects on past things. But then in this very year, I meet a very old and dear friend of mine who actually made me realize that in fact, I do. There were pros and cons to this realization but all of it is learning.
So many of you would say that I have stopped writing and posting on my blog, but like I said I am far from giving up on writing. I have been writing and trying to add flavors into my writing. some are good others are different. Similarly, some skills were required for it and then other just came along.
Walking out is not always recommended. But walking out of comfort zone is something that is always required. So, like few of my previous years, same has been the story of this year as well. This year taught me to walk out of my comfort zone. Be it on the personal front, professional front or performance front.
For example, the last time I performed anything solo on stage was more than 10 years ago and it was nothing short of a disaster. But deciding to do open mics was doing exactly the same thing that I feared for a decade ie doing any kind of solo performance. Something that started as an attempt to get out of comfort zone has now transformed itself and stands in front of me as a challenge to achieve perfection in it too.
I know sometime back I posted something saying that a performer never dies. It either evolves or transforms whatever one likes to call it. And then when the drive to achieve perfection is merged with it, what you get is what some people call “New years resolution”. Or atleast a goal that is good enough to drive you for the next 365 days.
During my new professional work, I came across a new term in my life called “Upscaling”. The word is self-explanatory. I guess this word and its meaning has been like a silent hidden angel in my life throughout the past year.
Also, I am not sure if I did justice with all the goals and ethics I had started my year with, but I feel I tried to adhere to them wherever it was needed. I feel they have become a part of my aura and a greater extension of my personality as well. It may seem bad to some but the one thing that I have learned over the year is there is no point in being scared. My teacher once said that “you only fear the unknown”. And all the unknown lies outside our comfort zone and hence breaking it is important. It is what I had been trying and it is what I shall be doing further as well.
I started my year as being “optimist”. Then the world almost made me become a “realist” that to me sounded more like a “pessimist”. In the end, I would still like to call myself an OPTIMIST, because I believe NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.
I know with this fearless attitude of mine I expect to walk alone at time. I have done it in past as well no surprise that I may have to do it in future as well. But I feel once you reach the other side through this route, only truth awaits you. Perhaps that’s how one becomes brave and responsible. I expected many to walk away from me due to this, so did they. I expect the same in future as well. I feel sorry for all those who walked away for whatever reasons they deemed fit. Maybe now it would all sound like excuses to me but then I am reminded of one more thing that my teacher taught me which is “there a short way and then there is the right way”.
I really hope I was baggage and liability in their overall life plan and not just that “unknown” that was present outside their comfort zone or just a victim of their fear. I always felt that I have a greater, a bigger purpose in life. I am not sure whether this year helped me to get close to it or wavier off it by 365 days. But I am sure that writing and being fearless and responsible are the first 3 steps towards it.
The year never panned out the way I wanted it, I don’t like to believe the notion that whatever happens, happens for good. Might I say that it is a phrase one uses to settle. Everyone who came in my life or walked out taught me something. Knowingly and unknowingly you did and for that, I thank you all. But for once I wish to see you all by my side, the day I become successful and respectable enough to find you all by my side. Sorry, 2018 it couldn’t be you, but I hope 2019 it could be you.
And for anyone and everyone who gave up and walked-off from life…. There is always a way back, that is through acceptance, knowledge and fearlessness.
एक यह वक़्त हे तोह है जो अपना है आज,
वरना साँस में आती हवा भी पराइये ही है//
Thank you 2018 for making me fearless. 2019 bring it on!!!! Until we meet again
Hum hai rahi pyar ke, phir milege chalte chalte.
