A ghost at rajiv chowk.

"if letting go of you was tough

accepting that you are gone is even tougher".

 “Systematic chaos” by far is the best way to explain everyday scene at rajiv chowk metro station. It has been 2years since I first came to New Delhi. Although I often go through this station I never really felt happy about it. It felt like a huge dead dinosaur within which people run around like ants. Most of the other station felt livelier than this station.

But today it was different. It was raining since morning and continued to rain late in the evening. Although many people suggested me to carry an umbrella in Delhi but I still stick to raincoats. I trusted it more than an umbrella and it looked cool too.

But heavy rains made metro run several minutes late and free time is something that is very rare in place like Delhi.

I prefer to travel in second boogie of metro as its relatively empty as compared to rest of the metro. I waited on platform 1, resting myself on the wall with support of one leg. I wore only upper half of my blue rain coat as I left my office in Noida sector 15 in hurry. I was due to meet a very good friend of mine who lived in Saket on yellow line.

Waiting for metro brought the Rajiv Chowk station alive with memories.

The first time I came it was a cold winter evening of November. And Delhi winters are super romantic. I was standing on platform number 4 below a poster of TOTAL RECALL movie. A bit scared, happy and worried all at the same time. I was searching a girl in white top and light blue jeans. I spotted her first; even she was scanning the crowd. She stood wearing dress of my favorite colors and boy! Did she looked beautiful or what. And those coffee brown eyes were the best eyes I have ever seen in my life.

The best part was even she knew that I was gigantically mad about her eyes. I use to tell her like thousand time “teri ankhe mujhe dede. Mai tumhari ankho ka divana hu” and she used to shy away like a small baby.

My head subconsciously turned right towards the holding where I saw her for the first time. But she was no where to be seen. The station is same, silver white metros are same, even nirula’s, CCD and even yellow and purple footsteps were at the same place but she wasn’t. Kind of an delusion I think.

Then I desperately tried to see those coffee brown eyes in thousands of people passing around me. Hoping to see them one more time and tell her how beautiful her eyes are. But I just couldn’t find them. All of them were strangers and in those estranged ghostly faces I tried to locate her wearing 5km long smile and amazing coffee brown eyes.

Where is she? Does she miss my presence? How can she not if I miss her like this?

To add cherry on top a couple stood in front of me holding each others hand. I smiled and said to myself “I hope you understand the importance of this, hold it and value it”

Now almost 2 years have past since she left me at this very platform, but my definition of love hasn’t changed. I still pray for her every morning. She was always blessed with good people around her. All I really hope that she understands there importance.

This is something that always happens to me at this station. Such experiences put me in a paradox. Trying to find a familiar face amongst thousands of unknown. Just the way you feel in a haunted place.

There is a ghost at this place. I am not sure weather that ghost is myself who becomes lost in his own presence or is it her who is present even in her absence.