I don’t know whether this writing would do any difference or
how far this small piece of writing would go. But this is something that I
wanted to do for myself, for my own self contentment and a process through
which I do a self confession. It has been a long time since I wrote something
that would speak about me. Well I know when I start to write about my thought process
the write-up get complicated. Well it just gonna be the same this time also.
Well a lot has already been said, written and heard about
the shameless act in Delhi. Something that has been happening from many years
in Delhi and is posing a grave threat on the face of a country which is known
as temple of democracy. Like billions of people living in India and all over
the world even I spent a fare share of time in determining the answer or the
reason to the most obvious question that people are asking
WHY?
All I could find was a million of reason with a very
dominant MAYBE as a prefix.
Maybe they were not human.
Maybe they were high on substance.
Maybe they had a low upbringing.
Maybe it is something that happened in a spontaneous moment
of rage.
Maybe it was just her bad luck.
Maybe somewhere somehow it was her mistake…maybe it was her
carelessness.
Maybe it was ignorance… a trait that we as Indians have
developed. Maybe it was because of something an old Mahatma taught us. But do
some didn’t felt to abide to it where as others totally misunderstood it. Maybe
it was tolerance that is inside Indian who doesn’t have a over-enlarged
egoistic attitude. Maybe the meaning of tolerance and peace got converted into
fear.
Maybe it happened because there is lack of respect.
Maybe it partial acceptance of western culture in of
which we lately felt very proud. Maybe it just managed to only reach our
wallets and purses.
Maybe we are not ready to accept it that violence and sex is
the core traits of a human being which
got subdued under a thin sheet of sophistication and civilization which is
eventually getting torn apart. I guess all the above “MAYBE” is farfetched and
vague.
Maybe the issue lies inside us. Maybe something is wrong
inside me. Because if I say I never teased a girl before then I am the worst
lier of this world. Here is me accepting it that even I have passed comments on
girls. But I really feel sorry because it took an horrific incident like this
for me to accept it. Maybe in saome way somehow in a very remote possible way
even I am responsible for her rape and death. If I feel this way then even you
out there are like me made of flesh, bone and blood. So we even you are
responsible for her rape and death. So there is n way that you ask for justice if
you yourself are a criminal. If this so
then all of us raped her and not only those 6. I did you did and the people all
around you did it you cannot call for justice if you yourself a criminal
I really feel sorry today and ashamed as well.
I feel ashamed to be a human being.
I feel ashamed to me an Indian
And most of all I feel ashamed to me be a male.
She will never forgive me or you. Whatever we do now we just
couldn’t be forgiven. We will have to live with it and take it to our graves. You
and I just couldn’t ask for forgiveness for this act. We just didn’t fail that
girl but we failed ourselves. We raped our self and we shoved ourselves with
the iron rod. The pain that you feel inside is you yourself pulling the
intestine out of your stomach. The grumbling and painful pinch that you feel
inside yourself is how she felt when we shoved that rusted rod inside her.
If you can look into the mirror and say to yourself that you
never ever teased a girl or passed a leaved comment on her then only you have a
right to protest. Same goes for girl also. I know the crowed mentality even
provokes girls to tease boys. I tried
and I failed.
Maybe Mayans and Archimedes
was right about the worlds ends. Just that we expected an Armageddon or
solar storm. But it ended in this ways the most horrific way possible. We are
self annihilating ourselves. Not with nuclear weapons and bullets and machetes
but with “wheel jacks “and bamboo sticks.
We will have to live with it till our last breath. This is
our punishment.
May god forgive me
for my act and all of us at large.
