Friends in Love (#OSOS16 story-1)

A tale of joint family.  In the words of tussu....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ My D3 Family Sweta, Sneha, Piyu, Sara, Mita, Asha, Suyog, Iggy, Manish, Ani ,Harish ,Paresh & Me......!!! This is the story of me but they are equally in me as I am in myself. Hence I cannot say that it is my story. I would say that this is our story. We all belong of a different background. From different walks of life and had amongst us a unique individual identity. About how we met, It would be wrong to call it an accident. Also calling it a coincidence would greatly undermine my fate, destiny and luck. Because it was much more than luck. AEM 2015 gave me this Beautiful and Precious Gift. It was a stage of my life when I would get scared to trust people. It was at this critical juncture when they found me. Then suddenly one day I decided to nominate my name For AEM cultural program. Even though I knew that I am not a Dancer type of guy, but still I went ahead with it. It indeed was a challenge but all I was looking for was some Fun and in the process I Participated. Before AEM I knew Iggy, Suyog, Mita, Harish And Manish but only by their names. When started practicing for AEM, I realised that there are many people unknowns more than known’s. But my Destiny introduced me with Piyu, Sweta, Sneha, Sara, Supri, Paresh And Aniket. In between our busy office schedule and final performance deadline, we planned our 1st and Best ever adventure picnic at KOLAD. It was here for the first time that we actually understood each other & we shared our life's Up's and Downs with each other. There we also experienced one of the best and memorable lifetime achievements, when we have saved one girls life there. The incident brought Iggy and suyog as the Hero's.  I remember at the Last Day of AEM Practice everyone was saying that they are going to miss this time and enjoyment. AEM was not as Successful as AHM but still we got something priceless out of it. We got our amazing 13. Then in the trip Aqua Imagica we had loads of Fun. Except Iggy everyone was there. Although we had known each other for about two months now somehow our bonding was not that close enough. Probably because we never opened up ourselves in front of them. As if this was the only this one thing missing. "Raigad" this picinic gave me lot memories. Be it the Experience, Love, Friendship, Caring, Adventure, Fun, pushing and pulling each other in times of fatigue and trouble, Helping each other in Difficult time and Everything. This was the picnic where our D3 family was actually born. Grand Salute to Piyu for managing such a wonderful trip for all of us. Now each and every member knows all the secret and dreams of every other. We openly and freely shared our views, feelings, deep thoughts, worries our exes... and yeses.....and zedess with each other. The Trust in Relationship which I had lost in my past life was again finding its way towards me but this time it was strengthened by faith of all 13. After this picnic suddenly I left the Group. But I was wrong about this decision and I know that at that time I ended up hurting so many people. But although I had given up on them apparently hadn’t. They all showed kindness, support and trust towards me especially Piyu. But suyog and our magic man Iggy helped me out of this. They all motivated me a lot and literally pulled me back amongst them. "MARINE DRIVE ride" Another life changing experience for me. I hardly drove a Bike on highways. But that night, for the first time I rode bike over such a long distance. I knew I was not that good but still this family, my D3 family tolerated me whole night. That experience was really very special for me. "Harihareshwar" another very Exciting picnic which was also managed by piyu. I know I was physically there but mentally somewhere else. But still that tandori chicken & Camp Fire night with Iggy, sara, mita and Suyog were memorable. Each and every one of my D3 Family is very Close to my Heart and I love each and every one of them deeply. Everyone has their Unique flavour which makes the taste perfectly unique. They all taught me what true Friendship is and how I could make my life Happy.  Sweta: A girl with Golden heart. She is my closest buddy, the only best friend ever I had in my life. I love You Ganpati. Sneha: She got that talent to make u laugh when you are not in the mood or not even thinking about smile. She is very close to my Heart. Piyu: I personally think that she is God’s gift for me. She is the one who understands me very well. Sara: Bindaas ladki from Delhi. Very caring and fabulous Host. A Beauty with good Heart. Mita: A very supportive Girl. Who motivates you all time. And she is the only person who understood my unspoken words and shayaris on WhatsApp. Asha: Shy girl of my D3 Family. She is very cool. Suyog: the Good and smart looking guy of D3. But Very supportive and equally Down to Earth. Iggy : A Multi-talented guy Best Dancer, Cook, Writer, Poet, Painter and very Good Human Being. Harish:  The Selfie king of D3. A true Gentleman and very good Friend. Manish: Cool Dude of D3. Very calm and composed. And always busy with his different Sim cards...!! Paresh: Another Multi-talented guy And only person in our group to act in a movie and living his dream. A real artist in every sense. Ani : The moon walker of D3. Good looking tall guy and Model. Very jolly like my little Bro. Last year I didn’t have anyone to wish Happy Valentine day. But this time I got 13 lovely  people to wish. Happy Valentine day to all from bottom of my Heart. Thank you guys for always being here to support me and suggest me. Love you all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thoughts and words of Tushar Ghag.(very emotional and most reliable person. Who neither sleeps nor lets others sleep, maybe because he cares a lot about all of us.....)

To be with you. PART-1

“Stop starring all over” she said.

 Trying to get me talked by getting me the Diwali ka chivda and I was least interested in it.

“How could I be starring all over..? It’s not even grammatically correct?” i added trying to be normal even though I was very much tired.

“is there even a sentence of that kind?” I asked to the only other annoyed person and that happen to be to the lady sitting in front of me. I knew a movie like ‘the martian’ is not the one that you could watch with your special ‘anyone!!’. I was anyways late by almost a month in watching it. To add to the woes I had to drag myself all the way to wadala to see it. My disappointment grew when she insisted to tag along  

“I never knew you liked to watch movie with me?” I asked,

 “Talk to me, you wanted na..”She leaned ahead on the chair and answered.

“Not everything is supposed to happen your way always.” I replied

 “I already said that I am sorry” she replied.

“Oh please stop this sorry rant of yours, and I don’t understand why are you saying sorry?” I asked.

 “If there isn’t anything then why are you so fidgety and closed right now? “ I replied.

“look I really wanted to  watch this movie… alone and this fidgety behaviour you are supposedly seeing, is me pulling back to myself… as I finding it hard explain to myself, why the space I created for you remain always empty.” I answered.

Even I was shocked how smoothly and fluently this sentence came out. Maybe it was the starbucks coffee that finally kicked in. for a while there was silence on the other end of the table as she aimlessly stirred.

“See moving that straw round and round would neither make you coffee warmer nor sweeter” deliberately sounding arrogant.

“Previously too you weren’t willing to come, so it won’t surprise me if you wish to leave.” I said standing up.

“But maine aisa kab bola.. I know it’s not about the movie” she followed.

“You never said it directly but it’s visible and you are damn right that it’s not about the movie, it about all the excuses and reasons that you give.” I answered.

“Are woh toh ekdum se plan ban gaya tha.. I told you na!!”She was starting to explain.

“Dekho mujhe aise behaviour expect karne ki aadat ho gayi hai, people sometimes take me so much for granted that at time I am invisible to them and I am perfectly habitual to it…..” I calmly interrupted her.

“…and this closing in reaction is because I wasn’t expecting this from you…again” I finished.

It’s really tough to see such a person in such opposite situation. You would want to convince yourself that it isn’t what it looks like but you are not sure if the other person too wants the same way too.

“plz don’t say like that.. mujhe acha nai lag raha hai” she replied sadly.

I never thought that I would sound so rude to a person that I though was special to me. But the thing is I just couldn’t think any more. Maybe I was just too mentally tired to think more on it. And end up find a conclusion otherwise of what you have concluded. Especially when you turn your world head over heels to find time for this person and they give you the same stupid “busy” excuse. Still you argue with yourself much more before you argue with this person to understand the reason behind his/her excuse and comes up to nothing.

“I always tried to find 10 reasons to be with you, talk to you, see you and you always gave me one reason why you couldn’t .” I said and it was almost time for the movie.

“I am sorry, and I am saying sorry not for what I said or how I am behaving, but because I value you more than this. But unlike you I am not only admitting it but showing it as well.” I concluded

I tore the other half of ticket and kept it under her mobile and said

“Find me inside if and when you feel like talking… otherwise I know you will find your way out as you don’t like to be dependent on anyone for anything”. I said and walked briskly towards screen 3.

Concluding part coming soon………………………

A late night diwali message....

(please consider this just a write-up and nothing else.)
I am watching this Diwali walk past me. I somehow feel that I am sitting in some sort of time capsule, somehow the time for me isn’t just changing and when for a moment when I stepped out all I could see was darkness in sky and distant blinking lights of various colors fighting their own battle of existence in these vast extensions of darkness. Some blinking furiously and some having a strong perseverance and will power to go on …. Non stop.

These are the once that I have placed at my home. I know if whatever I am writing on this Diwali eve is a clear sign that I am “vella”. I wouldn’t even call it vella, coz what I am doing is a task of grave importance to millions of people. At least this is what I always tell my mind. And it is an important task my job profile. I know that there are millions kids like me all around this world. Well let’s face the facts,  not everyone can just stop their job or studies or an operation or sentry duty and just walk his ways back home. Millions like me, and for them their cell phone in their hand is the most convenient and trust worthy was to get in touch with their near and dear ones thousands of miles away.  I feel its my responsibility that their skype, whatapp, viber, and facebook messenger is working. 

 I wished to write something this Diwali as well like previous years but, either you blame it to the circumstance or the events that happened, I just forgot what I had initially planned to write. It’s just that sometimes some people so take you for granted that you are as good as invisible to them.  It’s just really hard to digest such a behavior. There is very little that you can do on your end when there is absolutely nothing left to be done for such a person. It like you start walking on a straight line but after a while you end up taking a circle and back to the same point. It even frantic when you think you are wrong and again start to walk hoping that this time you won’t repeat the mistake, you again end up in the making a circle and an epic fool out of yourself.

You wonder whether your judgment is wrong or you analysis of the situation. My intention in writing this is not to point out mistakes or hold anyone responsible (which were precisely my reason at the beginning). My purpose was to find an answer to it, either by finding a good reason for such a behavior or by convincing myself otherwise.

Maybe I have ran out of patience, maybe I am expecting thing from wrong directions, maybe this MBA and work as polluted my natural self or maybe it is just my tired mind making up things. Or maybe it’s the absence of a goal or maybe i am habitual of being busy. Maybe my mind behave normally when it’s loaded with things to do. The worked up places of my mind which are now beginning to get empty could be the source of these ghost thoughts. Maybe I need to get back to being efficiently utilizing my mental resources. I just hope its not sounding like becoming selfish. It’s not like that.  I know, I am known for what I do. And its preciously what I need to do again.

I know if not all, something is defiantly not correct in me. If I am able to give so much space in my life to such a person again and again, and if still that person is failing to acknowledge it… still.. Then I am sure whatever I am thinking is not wrong. keeping someone a motivation is absolutely not wrong, however keeping expectation could be. 

Being alone in Diwali did actually helped me to realize this, hell lot of time and not a pinch of work for me. I am hoping that this article gets the least hits. it’s something that don’t even want to remember, but looking on the brighter side, it still tells me… it’s not worth GIVING-UP.  That’s exactly what I would do. I would still look up to her. I remember making her my inspiration some time back. I would still look up to her that way. But with a little less enthusiasm and expectation, gladly thing that I gave my best again and it was just overlooked…..again.
Hoping that I am proved wrong, at least this time.


Happy Diwali….

what I learned with traveling.

Its been very long since I posted anything on my blog, but now I am back and it feels good.

Initially i was planning to post something else but ended up with this.

I am very much new to all this traveling and trekking things, but I cant tell you how much I love it.

I always felt that traveling is one of the best ways to get lost and find yourself at the same time. another true fact about traveling is that you done get this traveling feel on your own. It's is always inspired by others. In other words you always get this travelers kick from others and same would be the case with me. One of the most amazing thing happens when you realize that you love it and how foolish was it of you that you didn't realize it earlier.
But its still one of those feeling that soon gets over your mind and you just don't want to let this thing die in your mind.
I don't know what traveling means to others, or how different people interpret it. But for me traveling is like I said at the beginning a way to get lost and find myself all at same time.

it's the journey where I feel like I am finding myself. all the more because you have very little to do in your journey. It's like the longer the journey the more time you get to be with yourself. It is one of those things that all would agree is a must. it's strange how our thoughts makes us run all the place in our normal days. Infact there are very few normal days if you call yourself a normal person. Specially when by the end of the day you feel like tumhare dimag ka adark lehsun ho gaya.
I love to stare out of the window while traveling... staring at nothing at times for hours and hours. it like my mind goes into a hibernating mode. As if very few sense are working and your vision being one of those sense that's not.
Its in these moment I find myself deep within myself. Some random song lines just keeps on repeating over and over again endlessly. And you don't even realize how that song came into your mind in the first place.
And with each repeatation you fall deeper and deeper in you own rabbits hole. You are not even aware and your mind is getting serviced up.
Although sleep is the best way to recharge mind but it happens subconsciously... whereas here I feel it is happening consciously and how much little I have traveled this is what I have learned. The farther you stare while moving the more deeper you get connected with your self.
 At least once in your life just travel not for the sake vacation, or holiday or keeping a destination in mind but just for the sake of journey. to be very specific to feel this feeling of being with yourself and traversing to from a place, through places to the unknown.
that why people say that it's more about the journey than destination.
 Traveling is incomplete without a destination. perhaps its one of those situations where the meaning and existence of one is incomplete without the other. Such would the case with traveling. The meaning of traveling itself is incomplete without destination.
I did most traveling this year and still plan to do more before the year ends destinations always being different and challenging in their own way. Like I said earlier once you get habitual with being comfortable even in uncomfortable situation, no destination is tough or difficult or easy as a matter of fact. It just seems like a challenge and a chance to conquer. Conquer the unknown. Its my personal experience that I have lost my regular self in such places. someone else comes up in me, and this someone just is a different me. Sometimes it's the one that used to be myself years back, and sometimes it's a completely new me. Challenging your known self with an unknown destination is one thing I would suggest everyone to take.
Besides talking about it factually life may not be so comfortable all the time after all.
When it comes to survival, the more you know the more its helpful.
Life may not be so blissful always. Knowing how hard you can push your strength is a necessity Besides what a life worth living if you don't explore the unknown.
And this is valid not only externally in world but internally within your own mind as well.

LIFE IN ITSELF IS A JOURNEY... SO WHY NOT JUST TRAVEL A BIT ....IN THIS JOURNEY.

Nameless Smiles.

No one bothered to look at any other person once they enter this water park. Once out of the locker room it’s hard to find anyone if the campus is as huge as the Aqua Imagica. All you see is a sea of half naked human beings sprawling all over the place. Just a few minute earlier even I was a part of this stone aged looking crowd and it actually felt calm and peaceful.

 Why? Because the moment I put on my dark blue colour T-shirt and tried to sit for a minute a gentlemen came from behind and stated

 “Apni Bus zara jaldi nikalna”

 

And i was thinking like “please give me a break..... Am just out. Relax man. I am more worried than I look dammit... the whole damn bus is my responsibility...relax” while nodding my head acknowledging his concern.

It’s strange that I was just out and people came looking for me. Still, sitting on that wooden camping bench of the food court actually felt calming. It was raining outside and I wished to sit quietly for a while (if people allowed me). The ambience was like that of a normal rainy evening until a random song started to flow with the winds of rain. Sometime all it take is that infinitesimally differentiated instant of continuous time to send you deep down your lost memories, like a closet. In the pinch of tiredness my eyes got shut.

The sound of raindrops falling on the asbestos roof of food court and the cold winds carrying minute droplets of water ticked the urge of coffee within me. Just at this time a faint sound of whistle struggled to reach my ears. Somewhere between the rain sound and the people noise the sweet whistling sound managed to subdue the coffee urge. The whistling sound started with the piano backdrop. Initially it felt like a random song but after a while it sounded very familiar.This sent a wave of Goosebumps around my body. It was what i heard for the first time in 2011. It felt as if the whistle and piano lifted me and took me back in time......

It looked as if i was present there.... here.....the 3^rd floor of my college building still looked very much alive and active. I skewed my hands through my long hair and walked past the classrooms one after another. Occasionally smiling when seeing familiar face, waving at them and shaking hands as we crossed each other.

I finally stopped at an intersection of corridors. Every now and then starring at my watch and fiddling with the strap of my bag as if awaiting someone. After a while a group of students walked diagonally away from me and behind this group was the reason why i was there.

As if she was the winds, carrying the fallen leaves ahead of it, whispering a coded message everytime it flew across your ears, somewhat hypnotic and mysterious at the same time. She approached me with me looking down at the floor as if avoiding unnecessary eye contact. I guess she knew her eyes where different and mesmerizing. But when she looked up to me with those coffee brown eyes i was left stunned.

And when she would smile with those eyes i just couldn’t stop myself from imagining kissing her. I wondered how come others didn’t see her beauty. Or was it that even she didn’t know how beautiful she looked when she smiled with joy or maybe it was just me. It’s one of those moments where you know what you are thinking is sinful, yet it seems delightful and desirable.

She stood in front of me holding my journal as cold November winds blew past her hairs. How I wished I could be the wind that day. Dancing and swirling within her curly hairs. After handing over the journal she clinched her fists inside her black sweater jacket and I had to muffle my sensual young November desires in the pockets of my jackets. However my sleeveless jacket was of little help.  We talked but it was tough to control the tussle of heart and logic. As my eyes bounced between her brown eyes and lips I could hardly remember what we were talking.

For a moment the heart whispered “Bol De Usko”, and at that very moment her phone rang.

Same whistling, same piano, same voice, same rhythm, same lyrics and same singer. And then it clicked. It was barry Manilows “Cant smile without you”. Since that day it became my favourite. A song that was once very special to me. But how come i forgot it? i just remember listening to it like everyday while going to college on my bike? As if it happened just now.

........and then again there was silence, and all i could hear was the same rain drops falling of the asbestos rooftop. This sudden change in ambience was hard to understand. To better understand what is going on my eyes popped open.....

Only to realise that it’s not 2011 and its not Bangalore and definetly it’s not November nor winter. This was Mumbai, its 2015 and it was raining. Neither my hairs were long nor was I in uniform.

For the next few minutes I found myself starring deep into the transparent hazy view of the monsoon, trying to see as far as possible attempting to see deeper within me. I tried hard and harder maybe once or twice, because at an instant it felt like as if I saw her smiling again.... at a distance and starring back....but right through me as if i was a ghost. Or maybe it was just me who in the chaos of time may have seen her ghost instead.

 

Inspired from “Cant smile without you” from Barry Manilow.