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Friday, September 11, 2015

Nameless Smiles.



No one bothered to look at any other person once they enter this water park. Once out of the locker room it’s hard to find anyone if the campus is as huge as the Aqua Imagica. All you see is a sea of half naked human beings sprawling all over the place. Just a few minute earlier even I was a part of this stone aged looking crowd and it actually felt calm and peaceful.
 Why? Because the moment I put on my dark blue colour T-shirt and tried to sit for a minute a gentlemen came from behind and stated
 “Apni Bus zara jaldi nikalna”
 
And i was thinking like “please give me a break..... Am just out. Relax man. I am more worried than I look dammit... the whole damn bus is my responsibility...relax” while nodding my head acknowledging his concern.

It’s strange that I was just out and people came looking for me. Still, sitting on that wooden camping bench of the food court actually felt calming. It was raining outside and I wished to sit quietly for a while (if people allowed me). The ambience was like that of a normal rainy evening until a random song started to flow with the winds of rain. Sometime all it take is that infinitesimally differentiated instant of continuous time to send you deep down your lost memories, like a closet. In the pinch of tiredness my eyes got shut.

The sound of raindrops falling on the asbestos roof of food court and the cold winds carrying minute droplets of water ticked the urge of coffee within me. Just at this time a faint sound of whistle struggled to reach my ears. Somewhere between the rain sound and the people noise the sweet whistling sound managed to subdue the coffee urge. The whistling sound started with the piano backdrop. Initially it felt like a random song but after a while it sounded very familiar.This sent a wave of Goosebumps around my body. It was what i heard for the first time in 2011. It felt as if the whistle and piano lifted me and took me back in time......

It looked as if i was present there.... here.....the 3rd floor of my college building still looked very much alive and active. I skewed my hands through my long hair and walked past the classrooms one after another. Occasionally smiling when seeing familiar face, waving at them and shaking hands as we crossed each other.

I finally stopped at an intersection of corridors. Every now and then starring at my watch and fiddling with the strap of my bag as if awaiting someone. After a while a group of students walked diagonally away from me and behind this group was the reason why i was there.

As if she was the winds, carrying the fallen leaves ahead of it, whispering a coded message everytime it flew across your ears, somewhat hypnotic and mysterious at the same time. She approached me with me looking down at the floor as if avoiding unnecessary eye contact. I guess she knew her eyes where different and mesmerizing. But when she looked up to me with those coffee brown eyes i was left stunned.

And when she would smile with those eyes i just couldn’t stop myself from imagining kissing her. I wondered how come others didn’t see her beauty. Or was it that even she didn’t know how beautiful she looked when she smiled with joy or maybe it was just me. It’s one of those moments where you know what you are thinking is sinful, yet it seems delightful and desirable.

She stood in front of me holding my journal as cold November winds blew past her hairs. How I wished I could be the wind that day. Dancing and swirling within her curly hairs. After handing over the journal she clinched her fists inside her black sweater jacket and I had to muffle my sensual young November desires in the pockets of my jackets. However my sleeveless jacket was of little help.  We talked but it was tough to control the tussle of heart and logic. As my eyes bounced between her brown eyes and lips I could hardly remember what we were talking.

For a moment the heart whispered “Bol De Usko”, and at that very moment her phone rang.
Same whistling, same piano, same voice, same rhythm, same lyrics and same singer. And then it clicked. It was barry Manilows “Cant smile without you”. Since that day it became my favourite. A song that was once very special to me. But how come i forgot it? i just remember listening to it like everyday while going to college on my bike? As if it happened just now.

........and then again there was silence, and all i could hear was the same rain drops falling of the asbestos rooftop. This sudden change in ambience was hard to understand. To better understand what is going on my eyes popped open.....

Only to realise that it’s not 2011 and its not Bangalore and definetly it’s not November nor winter. This was Mumbai, its 2015 and it was raining. Neither my hairs were long nor was I in uniform.

For the next few minutes I found myself starring deep into the transparent hazy view of the monsoon, trying to see as far as possible attempting to see deeper within me. I tried hard and harder maybe once or twice, because at an instant it felt like as if I saw her smiling again.... at a distance and starring back....but right through me as if i was a ghost. Or maybe it was just me who in the chaos of time may have seen her ghost instead.
 
Inspired from “Cant smile without you” from Barry Manilow.

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