(please consider this just a write-up and nothing else.)
I am watching this Diwali walk past me. I somehow feel that I am sitting in some sort of time capsule, somehow the time for me isn’t just changing and when for a moment when I stepped out all I could see was darkness in sky and distant blinking lights of various colors fighting their own battle of existence in these vast extensions of darkness. Some blinking furiously and some having a strong perseverance and will power to go on …. Non stop.
These are the once that I have placed at my home. I know if whatever I am writing on this Diwali eve is a clear sign that I am “vella”. I wouldn’t even call it vella, coz what I am doing is a task of grave importance to millions of people. At least this is what I always tell my mind. And it is an important task my job profile. I know that there are millions kids like me all around this world. Well let’s face the facts, not everyone can just stop their job or studies or an operation or sentry duty and just walk his ways back home. Millions like me, and for them their cell phone in their hand is the most convenient and trust worthy was to get in touch with their near and dear ones thousands of miles away. I feel its my responsibility that their skype, whatapp, viber, and facebook messenger is working.
I wished to write something this Diwali as well like previous years but, either you blame it to the circumstance or the events that happened, I just forgot what I had initially planned to write. It’s just that sometimes some people so take you for granted that you are as good as invisible to them. It’s just really hard to digest such a behavior. There is very little that you can do on your end when there is absolutely nothing left to be done for such a person. It like you start walking on a straight line but after a while you end up taking a circle and back to the same point. It even frantic when you think you are wrong and again start to walk hoping that this time you won’t repeat the mistake, you again end up in the making a circle and an epic fool out of yourself.
You wonder whether your judgment is wrong or you analysis of the situation. My intention in writing this is not to point out mistakes or hold anyone responsible (which were precisely my reason at the beginning). My purpose was to find an answer to it, either by finding a good reason for such a behavior or by convincing myself otherwise.
Maybe I have ran out of patience, maybe I am expecting thing from wrong directions, maybe this MBA and work as polluted my natural self or maybe it is just my tired mind making up things. Or maybe it’s the absence of a goal or maybe i am habitual of being busy. Maybe my mind behave normally when it’s loaded with things to do. The worked up places of my mind which are now beginning to get empty could be the source of these ghost thoughts. Maybe I need to get back to being efficiently utilizing my mental resources. I just hope its not sounding like becoming selfish. It’s not like that. I know, I am known for what I do. And its preciously what I need to do again.
I know if not all, something is defiantly not correct in me. If I am able to give so much space in my life to such a person again and again, and if still that person is failing to acknowledge it… still.. Then I am sure whatever I am thinking is not wrong. keeping someone a motivation is absolutely not wrong, however keeping expectation could be.
Being alone in Diwali did actually helped me to realize this, hell lot of time and not a pinch of work for me. I am hoping that this article gets the least hits. it’s something that don’t even want to remember, but looking on the brighter side, it still tells me… it’s not worth GIVING-UP. That’s exactly what I would do. I would still look up to her. I remember making her my inspiration some time back. I would still look up to her that way. But with a little less enthusiasm and expectation, gladly thing that I gave my best again and it was just overlooked…..again.
Hoping that I am proved wrong, at least this time.
Happy Diwali….
I am watching this Diwali walk past me. I somehow feel that I am sitting in some sort of time capsule, somehow the time for me isn’t just changing and when for a moment when I stepped out all I could see was darkness in sky and distant blinking lights of various colors fighting their own battle of existence in these vast extensions of darkness. Some blinking furiously and some having a strong perseverance and will power to go on …. Non stop.
These are the once that I have placed at my home. I know if whatever I am writing on this Diwali eve is a clear sign that I am “vella”. I wouldn’t even call it vella, coz what I am doing is a task of grave importance to millions of people. At least this is what I always tell my mind. And it is an important task my job profile. I know that there are millions kids like me all around this world. Well let’s face the facts, not everyone can just stop their job or studies or an operation or sentry duty and just walk his ways back home. Millions like me, and for them their cell phone in their hand is the most convenient and trust worthy was to get in touch with their near and dear ones thousands of miles away. I feel its my responsibility that their skype, whatapp, viber, and facebook messenger is working.
I wished to write something this Diwali as well like previous years but, either you blame it to the circumstance or the events that happened, I just forgot what I had initially planned to write. It’s just that sometimes some people so take you for granted that you are as good as invisible to them. It’s just really hard to digest such a behavior. There is very little that you can do on your end when there is absolutely nothing left to be done for such a person. It like you start walking on a straight line but after a while you end up taking a circle and back to the same point. It even frantic when you think you are wrong and again start to walk hoping that this time you won’t repeat the mistake, you again end up in the making a circle and an epic fool out of yourself.
You wonder whether your judgment is wrong or you analysis of the situation. My intention in writing this is not to point out mistakes or hold anyone responsible (which were precisely my reason at the beginning). My purpose was to find an answer to it, either by finding a good reason for such a behavior or by convincing myself otherwise.
Maybe I have ran out of patience, maybe I am expecting thing from wrong directions, maybe this MBA and work as polluted my natural self or maybe it is just my tired mind making up things. Or maybe it’s the absence of a goal or maybe i am habitual of being busy. Maybe my mind behave normally when it’s loaded with things to do. The worked up places of my mind which are now beginning to get empty could be the source of these ghost thoughts. Maybe I need to get back to being efficiently utilizing my mental resources. I just hope its not sounding like becoming selfish. It’s not like that. I know, I am known for what I do. And its preciously what I need to do again.
I know if not all, something is defiantly not correct in me. If I am able to give so much space in my life to such a person again and again, and if still that person is failing to acknowledge it… still.. Then I am sure whatever I am thinking is not wrong. keeping someone a motivation is absolutely not wrong, however keeping expectation could be.
Being alone in Diwali did actually helped me to realize this, hell lot of time and not a pinch of work for me. I am hoping that this article gets the least hits. it’s something that don’t even want to remember, but looking on the brighter side, it still tells me… it’s not worth GIVING-UP. That’s exactly what I would do. I would still look up to her. I remember making her my inspiration some time back. I would still look up to her that way. But with a little less enthusiasm and expectation, gladly thing that I gave my best again and it was just overlooked…..again.
Hoping that I am proved wrong, at least this time.
Happy Diwali….
No comments:
Post a Comment