Running back to go home!!

This was something that was inspired during my tryst to get train tickets for home during ganesh chaturthi and wrote it that time itself. i wish it all of you relate with it in more than ways.

I had a very long and tiring day. Waking up early to book my train tickets, then rushing to office and in the evening attending a invitation for ganesh arti by  a very good friend of mine. The entire day was demanding and very much busy in a different way. By the end of the day I was very much faithful of god as I was in doubt about his existence. Why ? I was able to get a train ticket to Nagpur for diwali with  a single digit waiting number. Its close to miracle. As I sat on my bed trying to reason and conclude the entire days event but I was too tired by then.

“oh god !!! you better come in my dream and justify it” I said to myself while staring at the ceiling and before I knew it I was fast asleep.Suddenly some noise above my head woke me up. Something or someone was scanning through the kitchen utencils.

“who’s there?” I shouted out of fear & terror. For a while there was no response but then a short fat guy with long nose and larger than normal ears popped his head into my bed room and said “oh… sorry bro…I didn’t intend to wake you up”

“who are you” I asked.

“what ? you only wanted to talk me so I am here… but there is nothing to eat… by the way I am ganesha” he said in a very casual way.

This is the thing about dreams there are somethings with which you can reason and then there are some that are unexplainable.

“why troubling me yaar? I had a very long day…kal morning shift hai…legs are paining, you always trouble people and enjoy it don’t you” I said angrily

“I beg your pardon? Okay now tell me what are the issue that you wanted to get answered” and stood in the door way with his arms and legs crossed.

“why is that in your anticipation people take so much trouble and pain? I stood in line since 5 am and still got a waiting ticket for diwali. Don’t you think its unfair? What about others who couldn’t get the tickets for going home”. I asked

“well ..you see we are not selfish and ignorant. Think of it as those who got the tickets were more needful to go where ever they wanted to go. As far as others are concerned if you have to go then have to go, then you don’t need money or ticket. I suppose it my way to check your faith in us, and in the process help you realize what you want.”

“so why do you come for short time and in everyone life at the same time?” I asked.

“you human are very lazy and forget about us. Everything you do you do it or your own personal purpose.  So I provide you with a reason. A reason to come home to your family and relatives. All the people standing in line along with you didn’t care if railways fairs are increased; ticket is waiting or petrol price as such. For them all that matters is being with there family, which is a reason provided by me. don’t you think that’s cool” he said winking at me.

“then why is that even people living with there families still run on platform and overbridges behind trains and buses?”I asked.

“to spend that extra minute with there children, to spend some more time looking into his wife’s  eye, to hold the hand of there gf/bf for some more time, maybe to say “I love you” one more time, to see her husband  smile a few centimeters more when she comes home early, to help their aging parents walk a few steps without pain. The easiest job one an do is judge, that’s what  you are doing my buoy”

“but why do others judge me when I say that you are my favorite hindu god?” I asked.

“well thank you young man, I am honored to  hear it. I believe you not respecting me but you are respecting your faith. It dosnt matter for whom it is until it originates from you and you only. Having faith in god is like having faith in yourself, faith can neither be broken nor it can be attained easily. Faith is a “siddhi”. It means attainment and accomplishment and all the people who were standing with you wanted to celebrate there siddhi with there real accomplishment ie with there loved ones. All we do is give you an excuse. As far as leave is concerned you won’t get it unless you ask for it”.

Whatever he said send me into a deeper thought . “by the way do you have anything to eat?” ganeshji asked and went straight into the kitchen.

“wait wait… will my leaves be approved!!!”. I shouted.

“only if you are taking it for the right reasons” he said.

“oh great… we have some rice and curd. Wait ganeshji I will serve you” I said.

And then there was a big cranky noise in the kitchen which woke me up.

“oye kisko kya serve karega bhai its 5.00 am. Are you alright?” my roommate enquired.

“kitchen me kaun hai?”I asked.

“billi thi” he said.

Was I dreaming or was  it real I thought.

“chal koi nai.. lets go to sleep”I said.

“hmmm… if ganeshji comes again ask him to approve my diwali leaves as well” he said bouncing on his bed.

“how did you know?” in a shocking and surprising way I asked.

“you were sleep talking my friend” and he laughed.

They say early morning dreams do come true. Weather it was my wish or a thought that occupied my mind which translated into such a dream. In the end all I hope for the right thing to happen. If my reason are good enough my leaves would be approved. If not I would assume someone in my team needed it to be with there family more than I do.

Happy diwali !!!

Its not about me always.

I wanted to get up early that day. Its the second morning of our weekend get together and I was already late. I didn't want to miss the sunrise as I rarely get to see them. To be honest it was what we all had decided the previous day. At this very simple man home in nagaon village somewhere in alibagh who made our comfort his responsibility. To our surprise he had a beach in his backyard. I just couldn’t wait for others to get up so we could go together. So I grabbed my toothpaste and brush and headed for the beach. The beauty of anything lies in its simplicity and it was just beautiful. It was huge, long, clean and endless. I had my tussle with the sea last evening and I admit I thoroughly enjoyed swimming in it. it was like a dream come true but this time I just wanted to watch and listen. Watch everything and maybe I’d be able to peek inside myself.

So I sat on a fishing boat anchored to the shore.

I believe all journeys happens for a reason and so to was this. It has been one hell of a year for 13B. And this break was for it. I don't know about others but a lot has changed in and around me and I suppose the same goes to every individual of 13B. From being junior most person in the team to a reliable resource and even being a lead for sometime it had been a demanding year. From having lunch together to having breakfast alone my dimensions have changed. If you ask me there would be 29 different stories about how the year has panned out for them. The way we work, live and see the world has changed but I am sure one thing hasn't changed it what we feel about each other when we meet.

I never expected a training room friendship would be so deep and unbreakable. But in a city where you come across millions of unknown faces it feel great to see 29 familiar face smiling at you. I believe any relationship that starts with zero last longer. Zero means when you know each other from the beginning, when you are nothing and nobody, just a scared and curious face in D block conference room. In time you may grow in age or stature but this basic bond never goes away. We grow and succeed in life and so do others and you feel happy for them as well. Aur ego and jealousy ka toh sawal he nahi Uthata. Achieving success is not difficult but maintaining your relationship while doing it is more important. We may find 100 people shaking your hand when we are successful but a hug from such a person give you a real sense of accomplishment. You want to see them more than anyone else. By the time I finish this thought almost an hour had passed and the sun had already risen and when I turned around to take its photo I saw my training batch-mates walking slowly down the dusty road towards the beach. I never had luck with best friends but I suppose this is how it felt to have or be a best friend.

I had planned in this before boarding the ferry at gateway to India to alibagh that I would not think of anything on this trip. I would just keep my mind empty and isolate it from everything or anyone that was there in mumbai. I didn't even wanted to analyze or judge myself. I just wanted to be nothing for sometime. no attachments, no entanglement, no past, no future. I wanted to know how does it feels to be me and got one answer I am at the right place. Our potential is like this vast sea. Endless and powerful. I wanted to argue with myself a bit more on this. But I saw everyone walking towards the sea as I sat on the boat alone.

I realize maybe it not about me always and every-time. This trip here is not about me, its about all of us. About every individual who managed to get time out of there life for us again by hook or by crook. I don’t know whether It was a common feeling amongst all of us or am I exaggerating it but everyone wanted to be there. If you find it exaggerating you can blame my view. I know something inside everyone was touched personally in this trip however there way of expressing it could be different. I just wanted to say “thank you” to everyone who was with me on this trip Mita, tikka, dhanno, mahabuddy, vipul, sharmaji, darshan, piyu, asha, mekal, panna, hemit, mithun, sumit, naradmuni, madhuja, yadavji and mahadev in the best way I can and this is it. I would like to end this with a few line from a song that I was listening while watching the beautiful scene.

Samundar Lehron Ki Lehron Ki Chadar Odh Ke So Raha Hai Per Mein Jagu Ek Khumari Ek Nasa Sa Ek Nasa Sa Ho Raha Hai
Tu Magar Hai Bekhabar…… Hai Bekhabar
Dil Gira Kahin Par…. Dafatan…..

Post your feedback and comments.

cooking love.

To find a good flat in Bangalore is a very daunting and back breaking task. Especially if you are doing it all by yourself it could take a while. But you know I was lucky enough to find a flat for myself near Mavalli overlooking the beautiful lotus pond. It was at this place I found a new aspect of my creativity. The best part about cooking is that you enjoy it even more if you are doing it for someone special. It gives you that added sense of achievement and responsibility an joy. It isn’t important what you are cooking. “Anything that you cook out of creativity, love and belonging would absolutely taste superb” as told by my roommate.

And this is that part of cooking I like the most.

She was my dance partner back in the college days and was visiting Bangalore for a very short time. Some days I would be so happy with what I cooked that I would brag about it on Whatapp to all. So after knowing that she would be in town I invited and insisted her to come down to my flat for lunch and test my skills and she was equally enthusiastic about me cooking for her.

The next day she arrived at my flat. She was wearing a beautiful white top and blue jeans. She threw her bag in the hall and straight way found her way into the kitchen which was a bit messed up. The kitchen top was L shaped with both wall having big windows facing the lotus lake. I didn’t find it weird as there was no-one else apart from me to give her company that time.

“Do you mind if I sit here” she queried and sat on the empty portion of the kitchen top.

“You are the guest… you are the boss” I said looking at her as she sat at a right angle on my left side.

Then there was a weird silence for a while as I made my way through cutting of onion and tomato.

“you know you remind me of my mother, even when I was at home I would do the exact thing at 6.00 am that you did now and that would make my mom seriously angry…” I said and heard a very sweet giggle “and she would beat me with anything that was handy to her.” And it got converted into a loud laugh as I ended. It was more of a ice-breaker kind of thing.

“Where did you learn to cook” she asked me.

“a little back home while avoiding “mummy ki laat” and rest in this very place and I love it ”. I said

“That’s good to know, I never thought a person like you would cook.” She said.

“Well thank you I take that as a compliment and I hope it wasn’t  sarcastic ” I said to her as the pressure cooker whistle blew.

“but I didn’t  had any other option, it was like a ‘need to cook’ got converted into the  ‘want to cook‘ ” as the second whistle went off. I noticed that she was giving her full attention to what I was telling her. As if there was another communication going on between us. Something that could not be explained in word. It’s what you see in the eyes.

“What about you? What do you feel?” I asked.

“I don’t feel anything I have been doing it from my childhood it more of responsibility that a fun activity for me. ” she replied in a very casual way.

“I don’t think its right..” I said to her looking in the eyes.

“What?” she said with a loud pitch.

“I mean I don’t think it would right for you to sit here while I do the tadaka to dal, and you are wearing a very beautiful white top, and I like white color and I don’t want to spoil it.” I said without breaking the eye contact. I never noticed that she had such beautiful eyes there was a hint of brown and it was a bit transparent. The best part was the transparency of her brown eyeball gave them lot of depth.  Felt like god specially painted her eyes all by himself.

“I won’t mind it” she said and turned slightly to have a look at the lotus lake from the adjacent window. And the sunlight was falling diagonally on her candy brown eyes. The orange sunlight refracting from here eyes mad e her eyes even more mesmerizing and it suddenly changed it color from candy brown to golden dark orange. Like honey.

Then suddenly while starring at the blue shining lake bathing in the chilled winter afternoon of October she started “There is no better way to let go of all your stress than cooking. It one of those creative activity that can be enjoyed all by yourself and make others happy as well with what you create. It that kind of activity where you can actually bake your cake and eat it too… and I mean literally…” there was this really amazing glow that somehow came on her bright dusky face. She had narrow eyebrows that would dance according to her expressions. Her top had very wide neck and only a thin golden chain was ruling that beautiful area. Occasionally a brisk wind would come along and mess her curly dark black hair and she straighten it up by tucking them behind her ears and continued

“it more like doing meditation, you stand with yourself, you take decisions sometime you follow the rule and sometime you just go by your instincts and you enjoy the result. You invent, you play with ingredients and then you just start loving… ”and looked straight into my eyes as she paused. Those magical eyes and those perfect thin eyebrows had me enslaved.  

“and the best part is that is savors more than one of your senses ” I completed her sentence.

And then again there was silence as we enjoyed dal rice and capsicum.

Neither the food nor us made it too the dining table. People say “never let good things pass” It isn’t that I regret it but I wish I had fallen in love with her that day.

please post your valuable comments below.

                                                                   

My hands without rakhi

Being a Christian we don’t believe in festivals like rakhi. To be honest rakhi is one of the most loved festivals as far as I am concerned. There is a special bond between siblings. For a brother his elder sister is like a mother.  Fact about this mother son relationship is that both are of same generation and there is no barrier or communication gap. They both work with same frequency and they know what other person thinks. In short this mother is very chilled out and cool. You can tell your elder sister anything without feeling embarrassing and hesitating and I am sure she would understand.

Similarly for a younger sister and elder brother is like a father of same generation. She can poke,  hit, bite, fight and tease this father and extort  as much money as he can and he would surrender every single penny out of wallet for her.

To be very specific and honest there is a special reason why I am writing this.  Since my childhood every year after rakhi I would see my friends and classmates turning up with there hands filled with rakhi of n  number of shape and size. They used to showoff there rakhi and I would try give them explanation for my empty hands. It seems very stupid now when I think of it but these things used to matter a lot back then.

 It wasn’t until few years later when on the same day me and my brother cried like heal. My mother went to the nearest shop and bought us 2-2 rakhi just to make us happy. The very next day I and my elder brother went to school like hero.

The very next year my dad called a friend of his who had two daughters and hence forth they used to come to our home to tie us rakhi on here kinetic Honda. Also there is this small girl named Rosy in whose house we used to stay when my mom dad would go to work during our childhood. We had neither blood relation nor even far relation. But she used to come every year to my place to tie me rakhi. Her commitment was so strong that if we weren’t at home she would come again the next day.

 I don’t have my own sister but yes I do have cousin sisters both elder and younger but I somehow felt that there presence was missing all the time. There could be reasons and justifications for it. Some of which we chose and some were told to us.  I might be too young to under stand it that time and maybe still am immature for it. This weird though came to my mind a few days back when I was planning to send them some chocolates. For elder sister there was no hesitation but when it came to younger  sisters  lots of if’s and but’s creped in.

“would they understand it” , “why suddenly am I sending them chocolates” i asked myself.

It is since that day I am fighting with this word “understanding”. Because whenever I think of understanding the obvious two words that follows it is compromise and misunderstanding. The existence of understanding is half without misunderstanding. To suppress the obvious occurrence of misunderstanding we tend to subdue it with understanding which is actually a compromise. We will discuss it in detail some other day. But you have to be mature to understand the difference. But be it understanding or misunderstanding I didn’t care of it at that time when my hands used to be empty. Probably this could be the very reason why even they didn’t show up all those year or could be some other reason. What I am doing now I should have done back than

“my dear sisters,

I may be incorrect by the way m doing this. I could be totally wrong about it or maybe expecting too much, but I felt that I should do it. I know that there is a whole lot of thing that I personally missed because I didn’t have sisters. Only a sister can bring-out gentlemen out of his brother. It maybe too late to bring back what passed us but I just don’t want to miss what lies ahead. I know this because I miss all those sister tips and suggestions. Be it the best  hairstyle, clothes, deo for myself or how to chose earings, bangles, gifts and dialogs to impress girl. Specially what to say and what not to say and when to say and how to say.

Now while m sitting in INORBIT MALL vashi I see all around girls carrying rakhi in there bags and tying it to there brothers while sitting in food court. From my home to this huge mall, from peda and laddo to bournvile and dairy milk a lot has changed. Or maybe not. But it reaffirmed my faith in what I feel. Its all about what you want in your life and in such situation what do you chose. Even if its symbolic but I would like to live it. I thank god for giving me such an opportunity to get back what I lost and in the process of doing so got brave enough to accept what I chose. I chose to try and fulfill my responsibility as your brother. ”

Some day they would understand it too like I did but if that day is not today so be it. if not I wouldn’t force them to understand it now. Before visiting the mall I was thinking that I am the only one putting my hand out and making it reachable. But I realize that I am not the only trying to build back a relationship which was rusted and weakened by previous misunderstandings. Something on which neither of us had controlled.

 I miss you bitti akka, Gloria, oshin, swarna, shubbu, sania, hemmu, poppy, rozy(my sisters) and most of all my elder brother allwin lewis (partners in crime)

Happy raksha bandhan.

Feedback and suggestion welcomed.

the first Sunday of august.

To be honest I always have fantasized the whole concept of friendship day in my childhood. I never really thought about the reason or the motive behind people celebrating it. All we need is a reason to celebrate things in life. Well it took me a while to understand it. Almost till the first Sunday of august last year.

She was A last minute addition to my class like me which started of our friendship.  it wasn’t until the last months of 6^th semester that we actually started to talking regulary.  It was then I came to know that she was Bengali. Well it something which we will discuss some other time. But one thing very unique and characteristically relative to them is the way the put mascara in there eyes. I don’t know why my world starts and ends around eyes but they are the first thing to catches my attention. It wasn’t until I used to talk to her while waiting for our practicals to start that I started admiring her eye.

But the fact that she used to wear it daily and we used to meet made me big admirer of her. She was very typical type Bengali  girl, A little short in height and a bit healthy. She had a dusky complexion somewhere near to golden brown type and she never used to tie the gamcha around her face like most of the girl in nagpur do. I used to call her penguin because she similar to them.

There was always this mystique about those dark eyes on which she used to apply the mascara. She had big eyes and the mascara  lining used to enhance it and make them look deep and mysterious. It always used to look like a very beautifully decorated trap. 

  But the fact still remained that I was always mesmerized by the way she use to apply mascara.   you know the most beautiful fact about the entire craziness was that after a very long day of college when she used to get exhausted her kajaled eyes would look even better and much deeper as well.  Sometimes it would get all smeared up, but it still suited her and I would always make her realize this.  The best thing was that she always took my comment about her mascara eyes in a sporting way. (Koi aur hoti toh sochti ki chance mar raha hai).

Not many people knew that I have a old injury mark on my little finger which was fairly big.  It was cured a long time back but the mark of it still remains. When an injury is cured the skin over the injury becomes smooth and shiny and she liked its smoothness.

“I like your pinky, it very smooth, mujhe dede ” she used to tease me everytimes she used to touch it to feel  the smoothness of that cut.

“are you insane, how is that possible” I always used to reply.

“jo meri nai ho saki who kisi ki bhi nai ho sakti” she use to reply in dharmendre style which eventually sounded very funny in the end.

One fine day she did it. After a small argument on why I didn’t call to her in Christmas she scratched my pinky over the old Injury mark. Which was followed by a little blood of mine and lots and lots tears, drama and sorry by her.  But i knew all she wanted was a little attention.

“iska jawab milega…. Baraber milega” I told her in a gabbar type voice.

 I took my revenge almost 8 months after that incident. At a part hosted by our juniors in which they would chose there favorite couple and make them dance. There was no way that her name wouldn’t be called out and she wont be dancing with anyone else, this too was sure.

She was wearing a beautiful white gown with red belt and her typical make up, Dark thick eyeliner with a little lip gloss and pearl neckless. We had discussed about this situation and made planes of how we would react in the same.

But when you are so close to a person whom you know for a very long time its easy to predict the there behavior but its equally difficult to fight those weird feelings that comes in your mind. Thoughts that ask you to make full use of this opportunity and express what you feel, why you felt and how you feel. The other person wouldn’t be able to dodge it neither could run away from it. Because you literally holding the other person. The only thing that can accommodate that very small space when you are doing 3rd round of paper dance is your feeling for the other person and your willingness to accept there feeling into your world. And in such situation a look in the eyes is all it takes. And her eyes, well they had been my fantasy from the day I meet her. I feared once if I looked in her eyes from this close I would definitely, surely and absolutely would fall in love with her and I know that when she see it in my eyes she wont be able to held back her feeling for me. I was so close to her that she seemed vulnerable and submissive.

Boy did she looked beautiful or what. her entire face seemed like a very beautiful trap, a trap in which anyone would love to fall. For a while she looked down maybe even she felt the same way as I did. But when she looked at me the second time all I felt was “i surrender… whatever you will say its will be my decision as well”

She looked exactly the way she used to look after a long day in college which I always liked. And it was all her way to what she felt about me. sometime words aren’t just  enough.

Those black eyes surrounded by dark black mascara were so mesmerizing that it almost felt hypnotizing and when those eyes follow your eyes movement it feel  like a slave. You are trapped and before you know it you are no longer in control of your sense.

Some how involuntarily my right hands moved towards her face.  She felt my hands off her back and moving towards her face. And during the entire time she was looking straight back into my eyes and I tried to maintain the look back. But the look was so intense and constant and addictive that it made me scared.

This is the time when what you do defines your relations and you as a person at large. This is what you truly are the ultimate time of truth.

I gently took my right hand thumb near her left eyes and deliberately rubbed the thick layer of mascara from her left eyes smudging it. the smudge was dark at the origin and became lighter as it went outside finally vanishing into her golden brown skin. it was as close I could get to her. she was almost mine and I knew if I went ahead with it none of us could ever back out  of it.

“this is for what you did to  my pinky” wiggling my fingers in front of her eyes bringing her back to herself and giving her a devil smile

  And she almost cried. It was eventually my blue tie that helped her but I am glad it happened the way it happened.

 For a moment she was stunned by whatever I did but it was needed. It was my fantasy few years back but it felt like I did the right thing at right time

I chose to be a very good friend because I valued my relationship with her more.  I don’t know weather it was right or wrong but it felt right at that moment. Love demands perfection, predictability, space and similarity. Friendship thrives on imperfection, annoyance, surprise and diversity. Where love becomes weak friendship brings strength.

There is a very fine saying in English “two best friends can be lovers, but two lovers can never be best friends”.

It my dads birthday as well today which make this day even more special. I hope its even special for me and you as well.

happy birthday daddy... i hope i made you proud....

the Umbrella-rain affair

Hello again here I am back again, I now it has been quiet a while that I have posted something on my blog. It’s my view towards inspiration that has stopped me from writing anything new. To be honest it has been almost a year now that I came to Mumbai. And I have no doubt is saying that I love this city. Specially the rainy season here. People may complain a thousand things about it but I am its true and honest fan. It could be really romantic if you are with someone special. If not this cities rain will help you find that someone special for sure. 
 

To meet an old friend in this city too is a daunting task. But when recently I meet an old friend I had an experience that reaffirmed my faith in the abilities and surprises that this city holds.  This was the first time that we meet after our college got over all thanks to facebook .  She was my classmate and a very good friend. But there wasn’t anything special or what you call attraction amongst us. She was equally talkative back then as she was the day I meet her in juhu recently. Not much has changed since then only the fact that now she isn’t the only one wearing spectacles and back then she always wanted to ride my bike for which I would never agree. Also the fact that she was very amazed and mesmerized by the fact of working in night shifts. To my surprise now I was the more talkative person as she enquired all the possible things that one could ask from health, food, personal life and even work culture of people working in shifts. 

You know time really skates by when you meet such a person after a very long time. It over whelms your mind and you forget to keep track of things in such situations. Be it the time or your belongings. That what she did. She forgot her umbrella in the theater itself and frankly speaking in the between the hilarious thoughts of past and the excitement and joyfulness of meeting an old colleague it’s hard for an umbrella to find its place.

And you know what made her realize this?

You guessed it correct the Mumbai rains. Here is a fact about Mumbai rains its always unexpected and willingly or forcefully it will get better of you. Neither an umbrella nor a raincoat can stop it from hugging you and making you fall in love. It can be super romantic or a real party pooper. Maybe it was my lucky day or maybe not…

The sudden down pour caught both of us off-guard and although I had an umbrella and it took me less than 15 sec to pull it out and open it but by that time we both were almost drenched. That was the moment she realize her umbrella was missing and she didn’t hesitate to come under mine. But single umbrella can barely keep one person dry leave apart two. Although we stood under a tree with the umbrella the rain water some how manage to find its way to us. It caused both of us to move inward and our proximity decreased gradually. Now that’s the magic I was talking about. We were never so close to each other before neither I felt like this ever but women I tell you are really magical creature. You will never know when you fall in there trap. Why?

While standing there I noticed that she had a mole in her right ear. Which looked really beautiful as it rested in a place so intimate and hidden. This caught my attention and I kept staring at it for a while. Was something wrong with me?

To add icing on the cake the winds that would blew across her semi-wet hair would carry with it the perfume of her shampoo which was, I guess DOVE or LO’REAL. But whatever it was it was mild and something that would sink in you soul and be there for ever. It filled my lungs and I felt like getting dissolved in it. The tempting fragrance made me take long breathing to inhale as much as possible and the winds just kept bring her closer and closer to me.

Suddenly a drop of water leaked from my umbrella and fell on her shoulder. It slowly navigated its way from her shoulder to her back and then rolled down her back under her white top. Then another fell at the same place and then another. They kept falling and conquering her fairly golden skin. Without her permission, fearlessly and with full enthusiasm they made her expression change as if the were electrifying her. As the drops fell and scrolled down her eyes would melt and close in the most amazing way possible and she would shiver and sizzle making me feel like butter on a hot pan.

Then she turned towards me and now we stood facing each other and her perfume came with every breath inside me. I felt one with her. I felt like putting my dry hand under her top and around her wet waist and grab her close to myself. And feel her moist skin with my hand. White was never my favorite color but it became from that day because it was almost completely wet. I could feel the warm air that came out of her nose on my chest.  I could also see her kajal all smudged around her eyes. I felt like removing her clucher and let her hair dance in wind.  

 I asked myself “did her lips always looked milky pink or is it because of the rain and cold?, was she always so slim and soft and was she always this beautiful?”

The silence amongst us was something even she realized. Maybe the feeling was mutual. To check it I moved myself an inch closer to her. But she didn’t move back and instead she squeezed herself. I though she wanted me to put my arms around her. We were so closed that I could have easily tasted that drop of water and land a kiss on her forehead simultaneously and she wouldn’t know.

The scene was set only one thing was left from which I backed out. I knew if I looked into her eyes now we would definitely fall in love with each other. I knew this all was a step up. The rain was making us come close to each other.  But to be honest I just couldn’t gather the courage to look back into her eyes when she was looking towards me so closely coz I knew she would come to know the reality about what going on in my mind. And this could have really complicated the things amongst us.

The fact is that neither the rain wants a human be alone nor the human being wants to stay alone in rain. It wants you to find a companion and to be loved by the same. Maybe I did the right thing or something really really stupid but I was just not prepared to fall in love again. 

Your views on it are certainly welcomed.