My hands without rakhi

Being a Christian we don’t believe in festivals like rakhi. To be honest rakhi is one of the most loved festivals as far as I am concerned. There is a special bond between siblings. For a brother his elder sister is like a mother.  Fact about this mother son relationship is that both are of same generation and there is no barrier or communication gap. They both work with same frequency and they know what other person thinks. In short this mother is very chilled out and cool. You can tell your elder sister anything without feeling embarrassing and hesitating and I am sure she would understand.

Similarly for a younger sister and elder brother is like a father of same generation. She can poke,  hit, bite, fight and tease this father and extort  as much money as he can and he would surrender every single penny out of wallet for her.

To be very specific and honest there is a special reason why I am writing this.  Since my childhood every year after rakhi I would see my friends and classmates turning up with there hands filled with rakhi of n  number of shape and size. They used to showoff there rakhi and I would try give them explanation for my empty hands. It seems very stupid now when I think of it but these things used to matter a lot back then.

 It wasn’t until few years later when on the same day me and my brother cried like heal. My mother went to the nearest shop and bought us 2-2 rakhi just to make us happy. The very next day I and my elder brother went to school like hero.

The very next year my dad called a friend of his who had two daughters and hence forth they used to come to our home to tie us rakhi on here kinetic Honda. Also there is this small girl named Rosy in whose house we used to stay when my mom dad would go to work during our childhood. We had neither blood relation nor even far relation. But she used to come every year to my place to tie me rakhi. Her commitment was so strong that if we weren’t at home she would come again the next day.

 I don’t have my own sister but yes I do have cousin sisters both elder and younger but I somehow felt that there presence was missing all the time. There could be reasons and justifications for it. Some of which we chose and some were told to us.  I might be too young to under stand it that time and maybe still am immature for it. This weird though came to my mind a few days back when I was planning to send them some chocolates. For elder sister there was no hesitation but when it came to younger  sisters  lots of if’s and but’s creped in.

“would they understand it” , “why suddenly am I sending them chocolates” i asked myself.

It is since that day I am fighting with this word “understanding”. Because whenever I think of understanding the obvious two words that follows it is compromise and misunderstanding. The existence of understanding is half without misunderstanding. To suppress the obvious occurrence of misunderstanding we tend to subdue it with understanding which is actually a compromise. We will discuss it in detail some other day. But you have to be mature to understand the difference. But be it understanding or misunderstanding I didn’t care of it at that time when my hands used to be empty. Probably this could be the very reason why even they didn’t show up all those year or could be some other reason. What I am doing now I should have done back than

“my dear sisters,

I may be incorrect by the way m doing this. I could be totally wrong about it or maybe expecting too much, but I felt that I should do it. I know that there is a whole lot of thing that I personally missed because I didn’t have sisters. Only a sister can bring-out gentlemen out of his brother. It maybe too late to bring back what passed us but I just don’t want to miss what lies ahead. I know this because I miss all those sister tips and suggestions. Be it the best  hairstyle, clothes, deo for myself or how to chose earings, bangles, gifts and dialogs to impress girl. Specially what to say and what not to say and when to say and how to say.

Now while m sitting in INORBIT MALL vashi I see all around girls carrying rakhi in there bags and tying it to there brothers while sitting in food court. From my home to this huge mall, from peda and laddo to bournvile and dairy milk a lot has changed. Or maybe not. But it reaffirmed my faith in what I feel. Its all about what you want in your life and in such situation what do you chose. Even if its symbolic but I would like to live it. I thank god for giving me such an opportunity to get back what I lost and in the process of doing so got brave enough to accept what I chose. I chose to try and fulfill my responsibility as your brother. ”

Some day they would understand it too like I did but if that day is not today so be it. if not I wouldn’t force them to understand it now. Before visiting the mall I was thinking that I am the only one putting my hand out and making it reachable. But I realize that I am not the only trying to build back a relationship which was rusted and weakened by previous misunderstandings. Something on which neither of us had controlled.

 I miss you bitti akka, Gloria, oshin, swarna, shubbu, sania, hemmu, poppy, rozy(my sisters) and most of all my elder brother allwin lewis (partners in crime)

Happy raksha bandhan.

Feedback and suggestion welcomed.