Everything except “I Love You”

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“so you wanted to wish me happy diwali?” she asked.

I suddenly felt a wave of chill run down entire body. Even though the car AC was turned off it felt very cold and as I sat next to the driver seat I noticed sometime back she was combing her hair while driving the car which made me feel a bit odd not to mention surprising and unusual too.

Now here I was facing her with open hands. Maybe she was expecting such a thing. So neither she backed out nor hesitated and as soon I gestured asking her hands she promptly acknowledged and landed her soft small hand in mine. And this was the very reason why I felt waves after waves of chill going up and down my body instantly dropping my temperature and I could feel my hands going cold and numb instantly

“What are you doing? why are you so nervous?”she asked.

“I don’t know and yes I am a bit nervous” I said and instantly my mouth went dry and the nervousness was so intense that the dryness went from my mouth to throat in matter of seconds. I had barely finished the sentence and I was already feeling thirsty.

As soon as I held her hand she said “you are cold”.

“I know ” I said.

The other day when we meet after a very long time I was avoiding making an eye contact with her. I was scared about what would happen if…… I was just too scared to think anything beyond that “if”. She kept complaining and pinching me hoping to make an eye contact but I was all over the place. She had the most intoxicating eyes. But now there was no escaping and I said to myself lets face it and conquer it. I gently squeezed her hands so that she stays focused on me and looked straight into her eyes.  At that moment all I could feel was my thumping heart beat, my chilled numb hands and her sweaty palm as she turned of her car and turned left facing me.

“thank you so very much for listening to me and I am also aware of the fact that I wasn’t making eye contact with you even though you constantly kept provoking me to do the same..” I started and trust me it was not at all easy to grab hold of my thoughts and words once I held those hands and looked into those intoxicating brownish black eyes all at the same time. I knew this would happen hence I mugged up everything that I wanted to tell her.

So now I took a long deep breath in and continued “but I didn’t want to ruin the importance of this moment that day. You listening to whatever I had to say meant a lot to me and I am feeling very light and much more comfortable with myself…”

I noticed her smiling with a beautiful look and so I smiled back and continued “….and I also want to say that you have very beautiful eyes and I like them a lot”. I noticed she was blushing and then she asked “haven’t you seen my eyes before?”

“ I had…. but its just that things around me were so messed up that it had covered my vision for quiet a while. I might well say that I had just forgotten how they looked” I answered and suddenly everything was fine around me. It was calm inside and all there nervousness was gone as if somehow I broke all the shackles and then I continued “…..and believe you are very special and god gives these kind of eyes to very few and special people and they are very lucky as well….”

“ no… no its not like that everyone is special for GOD and…”she interrupted shaking her head.

“listen… just listen” I interrupted her back and brought her attention back towards my eyes and continued “…this is what I believe in and I know he makes them with his very hands and with lot of care also makes sure to look after them in every step of life. And this kind of eyes helps him to find you guys easily out of millions of people like me who came out of an assembly line I guess” I finished laughing and concluded saying  “that’s why i have black eyes maybe, and deep down even you know that”

“what that black eyed guys like you come out of a assembly line?” she laughed and asked.

I am not sure what was going on in her mind at that time because she was starring right back trying to hide something. But when such an eye connection happens there is not much one can hide.

“nahi…nahi re.. every tom, dick and harry has  black eyes and even you know deep down that you are special and I can tell you how lucky I am to have you in my life in whichever way you are” I said and noticed her small lips stretching to its extremities and trying to reach her ears. This eventually made smile too.

“you are so stupid… I feel like hitting you right now… tabse kya kar rahe the” and blushed a bit.

“can I hug you?” she asked and quickly leaned towards me without waiting for my response and grabbed me. For the very first time in my life it felt peaceful and complete.

I felt whole, I felt satisfied, I felt calm and accomplished. No wonder its called the ‘ The jadoo ki jhappi’. I wanted to stay liked that forever and I know the feeling was mutual. You could hear the heart beat, fell the lungs breathing and smell the fragrance of body. Not yours but the person you are embracing. It’s the ultimate and purists form of bonding I think.

I took advantage of the situation and planted 3 kiss on her, 2 on either cheeks and 1 on the forehead. That broke our hug and I found her looking at me with a surprised and question marked expression on her face. I thought she might through a slap right across my face.

“I don’t want to keep any regrets” I said putting her hair behind her ears.

“so do I” she replied and kissed me the same way back.

“so this is how you wish Happy Diwali? You are really really stupid…  I feel like hitting you right now” she said with her tiny smile.

There are some relations that don’t need any name. They cannot be defined are bracketed. They could only be felt and expressed. That’s what some people call ‘kitabon wala pyar’

Inspired from a documentary film “meherooni”. 

feedback and comments are welcomed.