what i earned with what i lost....

             Hey I am back again I know there is a little wind about my writing but for all those who read my articles painstakingly I extend my sincerest gratitude. There is a certain way in which life teaches us its rules, sometimes this is very easy and most of the time in very difficult way. Its boils down to how one pictures himself in it. I still don't believe that what ever happens happens for good but its how you stand up and continue when bad things had happened to you. Exactly 1 year and 1 day ago was the worst day of my life and since then things have actually transpired. That too in a very considerable level and it’s evident. Now that when I sat on bench in grotto starring at Mother Mary my attention went to the fallen dried golden leaves all around me telling how unexpected things actually creates new things.

I know expecting too much from life is very common but the shock comes when unexpected things happen in your life. It’s really amazing how life that it always proves you wrong or at least uneducated about things that you know about it. Just like the leaves as they looks very amazing and it improves the beauty of nature when its green and on trees but even when they fall they create one of the most beautiful scenery. There was a time when I was very much skeptic about thing like LOVE, EMOTION, SEVA and SATVA.

But this phase actually helped me understanding these aspects of Ignatius Lewis too. It made me realize there is actually something some unique feeling and need of LOVE in life. It knocks at everyone’s door the tricky part is to know when are you ready to open the door. Also it shouldn’t be defined or bracketed. Now I know what was actually missing in my personality after seeing two people actually in love that’s true and divine and the sense of belonging to someone is very precious. Though I didn’t chose to fall for it but such emotions keep racking up your mind. Although we think that we are emotionally strong (I too) but again I was proved wrong. My meditation teacher tells me to stay happy come what may but doing it is like being ignorant and playing fool your mind. Though what I believe is that in order to raise outside you have to fall inside and experiencing all emotions actually makes you strong and supple at the same time.

The best way to fall inside and rise outside is Dhyan and Meditation. 

Similarly she says the best way to become happy is by making others happy and by being source of some ones happiness. A very beautiful word SEVA or service without favors helps you in this big time. It actually helps and when it’s done with honesty and selflessly.

One of the most amazing new word that I came is SATVA. I just can’t find the right words to thank the peoples who helped me realize it and persuaded me to experience it. Satva basically means purity of life and your existence itself.

It’s the accumulation of goodness and purity of mind and soul. Each person gets the chance to earn there satva, the reason of happiness and fulfillment in life as understood by me. SATVA is basically the combination of all the above things and knowing that you have actually gain some satva helps you in you self-confidence as unless you don’t know yourself there no chance that others can know you, and the best way to know yourself is by being with yourself and enjoying it too. How you do it is your path to choose, what I chose is mentioned above.

 I know last year hasn’t been as good as I expected it to be but unexpected has always been the flavor of life. End of the day everyone goes to sleep at night but how you undertake your journey from good morning to good night actually matters.

I hope this year brings me luck and help me get back what I have lost and grow stronger with blessings of almighty, parents and you my dearest friends.

Happy birthday to me…

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Love as (and how) it Happens

To be very honest I never really understood the term LOVE. Partly because it never happened to me and the more for the damage that people has caused to the reputation of this word. For me love is respect. Also when people start to expect there love to be just like shown in films, movies and television serials it gets complicated and boring. You know there is serious issues in you life when you partner asks you “how would you define our relation?”

Peoples constantly pursue a need to define things in life. I mean LOVE is defiantly not a thing to be defined or categorize as usually done by people it’s a feeling. I feel this is one of the simplest and also most controversial topic to write. I personally don't like to categorize LOVE it would like categorizing food joints around city or your cousins as a matter of fact on basis of whom you love more and less. It really amuses when people utter words like UNDERSTANDING, BONDING, CONNECTION, CHEMISTRY, COMMITMENT and RELATIONSHIP. I mean love is love and there is no other synonym to it. It truly what you feel for a person, who ever they may be and it’s the most purist of emotion. Inclusion of these words had adulterated the true meaning of love and made a complicated thing out of a feeling that's absolutely spontaneous and unbiased.

 It has become so complex that our University can start a new branch of engineering to understand it. I mean there are actually levels or stages in which you love someone.

Like crush, understanding, love, commitment and relationship…..and god know what more in between. How the hell these terms came into scene? Here is my definition of the above terms

CRUSH- “its mine” type of feeling for a certain jeans during window shopping. You think you have a chance until you are proved wrong.

UNDERSTANDING- it’s like a probation period of a company. The more you think you know the little you actually know and understand it.

THE PROPOSAL- its like a mouse trap. Either you have the mouse or the cheese is lost.

LOVE- its like a heavily marketed flop movie. You expect a lot from what actually there is to be offered.

COMMITMENT- its like a life time guarantee on electronic appliances. Everybody wants it but none is ready to give it.

RELATIONSHIP- its like a public toilet. People outside are desperate to get in and people in are dying to get out.

To be honest love should never be categorized and labeled as such. It should not be for someone special but everyone should special from your love. it should always be like taste of chocolate. Always same but still special for everyone that would be real love if there will be any. Just like the LOVE and AFFECTION that a baby has pure, unadulterated and absolutely unbiased from its very existence. Also it should not be left to be expressed on a particular special day or occasion like Valentines Day. Whenever you get a chance to show your affection just do it without thinking much back and forth. Be it your girlfriend, your crush, your wife or your family or friends. Not by some fancy costly gift but by a sms from heart or a big smile can do wonders. As long as its pure its divine, as long as its divine its true, as long as its true its LOVE. By anyone, for anyone.

Happy vals day.

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IF LOOKS COULD KILL!!!!

If looks could kill I would have been definatly dead that day. I am saying this because I had been a victim of such a crime once before and injury this time around was a bit deep. I never knew when and what hit me but surely something did as I was caught off guard. I won’t lie also because the incident happened at a temple and all I felt was honest. Surprisingly the more you think you know a person the more they prove you wrong. There is something mysterious about her.
The three of us were having a general conversation and there was a instant when I accidentally looked at her only to find out that her eyes starring at god and that was a continuous stare as if praying desperately for or about something which I thought she was actually doing with lots of hope and belief and needing something that actually she deserve. Those eyes were so fixed at idol she had absolutely no idea about the conversation which was going on. I could even see reflection of street lights from all over those eyes.
Just like the reflection of lights that is seen on water in a clear dark night, sparkling and hazy. There was hint of accumulation of tears in eyes just before the floodgates open and things go loose. I guess faith in god and trust in destiny were the only things holding the dam during that overflow of emotions from what I believe you can’t enact or hide them. It was really bad to see brightness and shine of hopes, dreams and aspirations covered by clouds of fear and uncertainty. Seeing that look in those eyes scared the living daylights out of me. I don’t know how to phrase it correctly as words can be interpreted in many different meanings.
You might sum up the entire event to be a purely imaginative and exaggerated and I won’t be if you do so. In other words when you visit art gallery you barely pay attention towards the color of wall behind or the type of frame of the painting. Your full attention is captured by the painting and not things around it. So after looking at a particular painting for 3-4 times you can easily tell weather anything has changed in it from the last time you saw it. It’s like you see something new every time you see that painting. Also no matter how bad or attractive the wall or frame is the beauty lies in the painting itself. Hers painting in my mind starts from supratrochlear to infratrochlear filled with colors of integrity and respect all the way. Anything apart from it doesn’t matters to me.
From what I have learned some people deserve so much better form life knowing that there approach towards it was good, positive and greeting. Contrastingly the things that you want very dreadfully are sometime most illusive. Seeing them go through same phase through which you already had been and you are unable to empathize on the situation. Such things make you feel so timid and vulnerable about things in life. This made me realize that there is more in life than just achieving success and statues. End of the day such things may even works as fuel to drive you to your goal and happiness. You know there is a saying “YOUR EYES SEE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO SEE” but still without happiness and a method to convey it to people around you, it life is like a lame old donkey. Hope the gloomy painting would be filled with bright and beautiful colors of success, happiness and joy as they were before.

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Happy chrissmus

 
‘‘Mamma! Why is he so dirty?’’
A low toned sweet voice reached my ears. It was late evening around 8.45 pm. Not to mention it was December and it was cold and cracking as hell as it usually around this time and the roads were disserted. I was stuck because my bike happened to get dried the thing that happens when you overrate your biker average near dhantoli and Yashwant stadium waiting Santa Claus in form of friend and petrol in form of gift.
“Mamma!!”
I looked behind there stood a black colored Hyundai accent having some Mumbai number. I looked inside to see a dejected driver in late 30’s, a heavily make –up lad looking more like a penguin wearing a Punjabi salwar and porcelain all over her face, a not-so-good-looking girl much younger then other two (may be daughter) keeping her eye grilled at her BLACKBERRY I suppose and a cute looking little boy glancing out of the window. The father got out for changing a puncher tire and no one else budges. The little boy was starring out side and querying his mother constantly.
”what’s happened Joey? Stop troubling mamma”
“wy is he sho dirty an shad?” he asked
“I don’t know beta they are poor I guess” said the lady giving a disgruntled look.
“Then how come he is wearing you school sweater didi. You said it’s the best school and all the best kids come to study there?”
It was a blue colored sweater of a reputed school in Nagpur. A bit dirty with stains of oil and dirt so much so that there was no difference in color sidewalk and his cloths.
“Maybe” she ignored.
The poor boy was shivering and smiling in his sweater which was very big and over size for him.
“But it’s all dirty and look it has holes in it too it wont keep him warm enough, can I give him mine?” Joey asked curiously pulling down the glass down completely and with half of his body outside.
“Baby stop talking nonsense and get inside the car” girl shouted.
“Why is he playing with tire didi”
The girl got frustrated and shouted “mom Joey is deliberately troubling me please tell him to behave…he even tried to hide my shoes at riya aunty place……..”
Hell I didn't understood a thing what she said after that because it was some different language.
“baby behave and don't you give any thing to that stupid fellow…” the penguin aunty shouted and as usual he totally ignored and lady's attention shifted to the uncle who had done changing tire by now and was enjoying a smoke.
“….and hurry-up darling you already waited at riyas place long enough and...” she said
“don’t you give me that shit…” he shouted an interrupted angrily “….I know that…its done now shove yourself into car we are ready to roll” he continued.
As all were ready to roll on “CHARIOT OF ANGEL” as written on the car Joey sneaked a moment and bent out of his side of window passed on a little toy to the poor child winked and smiled at him and whispered quietly ”Happpy chrissmus..”.
The poor boy ran to a shed and brought a broken toy for him instead as the CHARIOT OF ANGEL was about to fly.
I can bet on a thousand bucks the poor boy didn't understood the meaning of either words but the action brought a big smile on his face. The best moment of the entire evening came for me in quick succession and would have made the evening awesome for the poor boy perhaps the best Christmas gift.
It mad me realize that we always knew how to love. You don’t teach a new born baby how to love the sheer innocence and unbiased love that it gives to everyone is the best example of it. To continue to do it is the difficult task as you might have concluded from the above conversation. Richness and wealth of a person is known by who rich is his heart and not by bank accounts and car size. May be that’s the reason Jesus Christ chose to be borned in a manger in a stable so that every one can reach him and not only kings and the wealthy ones or not poor ones which includes no façade and vanity. I believe that the real meaning of Christmas to be so simple in heart that everyone can reach you. A gift of Christmas gift not necessarily be a Rolex, Iphone or Porsche it could be a welcome smile, a warm hug, an evening, 10 min on phone or even an SMS matters equal if not more and it automatically brings smile on peoples face.
You know people often tend to find the spirit of Christmas in god and prayers but it truly is already exsisting within themselves you know as they say if you really want to enjoy Christmas is by trying to make it enjoyable to someone else and not indulging in booze and party. Because I think there is no bigger joy in seeing someone happy because of you and its a feeling that really boosts up your spirit.
Happy Christmas to all readers and happy New Year
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Of RIGHT turns … and wrongs!!

It was a very chilled evening of a cool December day. It had rained and mostly it was drizzle and it had happened not for the first time during that evening. She was standing on a red signal very much covered in winter clothing from head to toe though the fashion quotient was still very much included. She needed to take a right from that signal. She could clearly see a white colored maruti Suzuki Estillo in front of her. There was nothing special and unique about that car but only a sticker of lord ganesha. The guy on the wheels too wanted to take a right from that signal and was giving a right turn indicator and it was blinking right in front of her face as it does.
Somewhere within her mind she felt that it was mocking her maybe laughing at her and teasing her. Of all the living creatures in this world she felt a stupid indicator was making fun and making her feel embarrassed and bad. Although she knew it was just the way you think of things but she never thought her mind would come up with such a cynical example to relate itself to such an unvalued and unobserved process. She removed her glasses, she looked down, closed her eyes shock her head in utter disappointment rubbed her eyes and charm from her face seemed had just vanished instantly.. Who can imagine that just a blinking stupid car indicator causes turmoil in ones head and automatically make her bow her head down and make you feel embarrassed? Maybe it reminded her about some dejection or she might have felt partly cheated somewhere sometime.
Those 77sec on ravi nagar sq left her image in my mind. I went into deep thought regarding what I observed that orange indicator and that sweet girl. Its one of those incidents that could be interpreted in different ways but it was very much visible on her and all over her face. My elder brothers and mothers word ran through my head “LIFE TAKE ITS REVENGE ON YOU IN WORST POSSIBLE WAY AND IN WORST POSSIBLE TIME”. Again some of my observations could be wrong but not all. Maybe it was the sequence of events that happened that day eventually culminated into such an incident for me. It seriously makes you think what you have, had and want. A failed expectation, trust or a broken dream makes you think that your life is field with mistakes and your ability to think and do the right and wrong gets affected dramatically. You are forced to think that even all your right decisions could have been wrong.
People say that success is just a pat on the back. If they say so then failures are like cuts in mind. These cuts may be difficult to heal and it pain is far very much more and irony is that you see the wounds from outside. It become even worst when you see someone else in the same situation and you are unable to empathies them. If life is like a tree and failure is grounds for it then success is like sunshine and true strength of a tree lies in depths of roots. Too much expectation never ever helps the cause. Lesser the expectation simpler is life. I think a normal life is not too much to ask for but it’s unto use to define “a normal life”. But I feel world is a small alley which is already narrow and it’s getting even narrower by day and you are always being pushed in a crowded queue. Where you have two options either fall and see others walk over you or be a part of mob.
If life can be one big holiday and a best teacher of all then life could be the worst punishment too that one can get. It’s just what one of my friends told me at he end of the day “that’s life” always selfish and ready to screw you and I felt very sad hearing this from her. Too bad that the meaning of life has changed so drastically and it has become so hollow that even a car indicator mocks it sometimes……

Diwali for me….

I believe the festival of lights is very happy occasion in and one of the most anticipated events of the year. Nothing can match the intensity of gratification that it brings in ones life. It brings a rejuvenated wave in ones life and people like to spend time with family in malls and markets. This surge of happiness is the main reason why this festival is called as festival of lights where light is symbolic representation of happiness. It also stands for triumph of good over evil.
It’s obvious and natural for us to be attracted towards the light and glow of life. Thats why the brightness of this festival attracts all. You know I feel that the brightness of this festival sometimes is so BRIGHT that it sometimes shadows the gray elements. I think the main aim of this festival is to drive away the grayness and it can be achieved by bringing people into light and taking it to them. But sometimes the intensity of brightness is so strong that people who are habitual of staying in darkness gets frightened by the intensity itself. Acceptance in the correct way is very important. The moral of the story is that darkness should be removed and not the wounded of it. 
I also think that to remove darkness the light has to travel to enlighten such wounded. If you look at the irony the universe is dark and the light has to travel through it. Similarly to defeat the wrong, right has to extend it arms because in default condition the universe itself is dark and light propagates through it.
What you believe is nothing for you could be a dream for someone in this world. It’s the way the world acts. What you have may be insufficient for you but for someone it could be his entire life. My elder brother once told me that “LIFE IS UNFAIR”. Its true and everyone sometime or other felt the same. So I think to attain balance we give something to others and take something from them. I mean I know what I have and what I don’t have and it’s applicable to everyone in this world. So why not share what you have with those who don’t have and enjoy vice versa and fill the emptiness within our minds. Asking for big favor is useless and more aligned towards materialistic wants.
So my diwali message to you all is give what you have in excess to others and it’s not restricted to food or clothes. I mean TIME can also do wonders. Looking to it in a different way is that you find time to pray to GOD and ask for his blessing on that very day of festival so why not spend some time with orphan, special and under-privileged children or even your household help and make them feel special then even GOD won’t mind if you prayed a little less to him. Spending a little less on crackers and using that money to buy some clothes and chocolates for children would be much more appreciated by GOD and he would forgive me for praying little less to him. I know a sparkling, smiling face is much brighter than the costliest of firecrackers and that would be the best diwali for me.
Would like to end with
YEH DIN JAHAN ME HAR KAHIN,
BHAR DE ROSHNI KISI KE PYAR KI,
DIL DIL SE JO MILADE, HAR CHEHERA WOH KHILA DE,
RUT LAYE AAJ KHUSHIYON KI.
MERE TUMHARE SAB KE LIYE HAPPY DIWALI,
SARE SITARE USKE LIYE
HAPPY DIWALI.
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Misapprehensions of mind.

No wonder our elders told us that success and failure are two sides of same coin.I absolutely think its very true. The ways you walk in life is so much depends on that coin. I mean your approach for life is so much different if the coin flips in other way rather than your way. If in case of success you barely bother to think the other way around. I don’t want to sound pessimist but if things don't turn out your way then it surely it affects the way you look at things. If People say that hard work is all that is need to achieve success than the weight age of success should be always more than failure. Than how is possible that success and failure are two side of same coin?
I mean I never heard anyone saying “I worked hard for failure…..” showing that it can be rigged.
There is also the saying that “THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE”. To be very specific I question the existence of this question. I mean do you really feel that he grass is green on the other side. How much more green is it? Now contradicting this age old phrase is THERE IS NO GRAY IN LIFE EITHER ITS BLACK OR WHITE. If the grass is greener on the other side than the second phrase is a piece of joke.
Just a small skip in rotation of that COIN causes your life becoming as miserable as a hole. Mostly in touch and go cases where the difference between success and failure is very close.
No wonder people go in depression in such cases. The best trick or the line used to cover up it is WHATEVER HAPPENS….HAPPENS FOR GOOD. You might think that I am sounding pessimist but its totally false statement and I totally don’t agree with it.
It’s an open challenge to you all honestly tell me that do you agree with this statement. Because I have many reasons to prove it wrong. Did World War II happen for good?
Invention of steroids, nuclear bomb, was Indira Gandhi killed for good? Did raavan kidnapped sita for good?
I think its like a curtain that is used to cover the mind and create a misconception. To create an illusion that others have succeeded where you have not and its not much difference in handwork or effort just the COIN mentioned above. I think mind of a human can be influenced and can be programmed and reprogrammed very easily and it's this characteristic that results in people saying that “the grass is greener on the other side” and “whatever happens….happens for good”. It just tries to find the least resistive path like current in a network having various resistive paths unless it is faced by one-way path. Then and only then the true strengths of human mind can be understood. These phrases are like sub-programmes which the mind uses where it isn't able to relate itself to practical situation and provide relevant solution. If you relevantly think all the three phrases contradict each others meaning. Like I said these are sub programs. I believe there are no significant meanings of these phrases. Its better not to use them more often….
Depths of depression are very deep and these phrases doesn't provide rationalization to it or help in any way from getting out of it.