my stupid valentines story

I wish I could be as stupid as I was  back in the college days. Doing all the crazy childish stuff during and around the valentine's day. Not to mention the never ending excitement we would have even though deep down we knew that nothing is going to happen of this excitement.

Optimism I suppose it was, that made us felt that something magical might happen on valentine's day, specially when we were a mediocre engineering student in a small town.

Well there you go I have spilled the beans already and we have barely started. Anyways.... what the hell!!

And guess what I was a hardworking engineer yet i flunged. So rest assure there were very remote possibility of a girl I liked may reciprocate in the same way. But yes there was. 'was' . Now she is a mother of a beautiful baby girl.

I may have to apologize for breaking this to you too. But the best part about it, the whole thing we had, had the innocence behind it. Or to correctly rephrase, the stupidity behind it. why I say it so because love is stupid and it happens to stupid people only. But then somehow maturity kicks in. 

You suddenly become very smart and intelligent and evaluative and the love just vanishes.
I accept, that stupid feeling I had 7 year back was better than this matured crap thing I get to hear always nowadays.

I feel maturity has indeed ruined how we love, if not atleast it has tried to manipulate it.
So much so that we are scared to even accept others love for us and that is the toughest part. I mean how can you convince someone about your love if that person is not even ready to accept her own feelings?
How can you tell truth to a person who lies even to herself?
The best thing one can do is try and try a bit more. 

I did find someone again and did manage to make that little space in her heart for me. But it wasn't easy.
I also managed to squeeze it out of her after a 4 hour long grilling session one day. Finally!!!
She had probably said NO 40-50 times before she finally said yes. 

Well not exactly a yes but we did end up on a common agreement which I will write in the end so stay on. Atleast that's what she sounded.

But that made me think why was she so much hesitant? Love is the most natural and unadulterated form of emotion and yet you refuse to acknowledge it? It's like you stand in front of the mirror and lie to your own self. It's just that one has to be brave enough. 

Brave enough to accept that you can love and can be loved again. I did manage to convince her after a long time 3 years to be precise, but my attempts and efforts are useless if she just isn't ready to accept. Acceptance is the first and foremost thing. Resiprocation and response comes later. Commitment comes after that much later. How come suddenly this commitment thing came in her mind as a reason for denial?

We had a past, I already told her. But she didn't tell me, I understood it by her behavior and it never mattered to me and it still doesn't. I can only assume the same for her. Then what is the difference between me and her?
Then it just clicked.

Perhaps she is matured now and I am still in that stupid state.
The purpose of maturity is not to influence your love.
It's not a gift to be practiced with love. 

when I understood this I requested her many times, if you don't feel the way I feel for you then just walk away saying it on my face. Practice your maturity now on me or else be honest and stupid enough to atleast acknowledge it. Either move forward or back out completely.
But herein lies the problem. She was neither willing to act completely mature nor stupid.
I in the past, and now as well kept this maturity thing out of love.

If it makes me look like a stupid so be it. It doesn't matter to me.
kyuki pyar me koi logic nai hota hai ... aur jaha logic hota hai waha pyar nai hota.

I don't know what is going on in her mind but I know what is going on in mine. I am still thinking about her as my fingers are filling these blank white spaces with words and letter.

I have heard many realistic people saying that you don't need a valentine's day to express your Love and respect. But if you go with my logic, well you cannot act stupid 365 days of a year too.
so what if a red rose costs you 20 bucks on this day or a card you bought was of 300 rupees or you choose to take a costly cab home to reach early and fresh rather than public transport so be it. Or maybe you knew what surprise your partner has planned for but still you act surprise so do it.

It's like why go to  Krishna's temple on his birthday if he is omnipresent. Love is beyond logic like how divine is.

Although she made an absolute mess of the last surprise I gave her but still I wanted to give her something this valentine's day. Even if it just a smile. I know her smile is a gazillion times better than mine but still it's the least I can do.
Because love is stupid.

I am still working on whatever there is between me and her. I know that possibility of our relationship achieving success is bleak. Why I say so is because I am a Christian guy and she is a Maharashtrian lady. So herein lies biggest issue.
 

Lady I referred to her because the way she carries her sari is amazingly graceful.

But all that matters now is whats  there between us now and that is what allways had mattered to me. If it sounds stupid so be it. I don't care. So much so that her birthday gift by me was a drawing or tattoo design of the word tathastu on her white power bank cover which she simply and  totally over looked.

But I think I still love her and more than that I respect her. Still I wish to give her a red rose and chocolate on that day, if it sounds stupid so be it. I just hope she accepts it with her glossy smile and i manage to see that beautiful sparkle in her coffee brown eyes.

And that what love is and that's what valentine's day is all about.
I hope this message reaches her and  I could get a chance to wish her happy valentine's day in the most unique way through this story.

So be stupid and keep loving.
cheers.....

PRESENT DAY: none of the above mentioned tasks could be accomplished... like i said. here realism manage to beat optimism. 

this was a write up which i had submitted for a writing competition on www.sweek.com website.  i am uploading it here as the last day of the judging ended yesterday. 

FYI: its a piece of fictional writing. please draw no relevance.

I am  not uploading much since am working on a bigger writing project. So keep reading, keep liking and pray to almighty that i can successfully complete this project soon.

HUM HAI RAHI PYAAR KE..... FIR MILENGE CHALTE CHALTE.