A ghost at rajiv chowk.

"if letting go of you was tough

accepting that you are gone is even tougher".

 “Systematic chaos” by far is the best way to explain everyday scene at rajiv chowk metro station. It has been 2years since I first came to New Delhi. Although I often go through this station I never really felt happy about it. It felt like a huge dead dinosaur within which people run around like ants. Most of the other station felt livelier than this station.

But today it was different. It was raining since morning and continued to rain late in the evening. Although many people suggested me to carry an umbrella in Delhi but I still stick to raincoats. I trusted it more than an umbrella and it looked cool too.

But heavy rains made metro run several minutes late and free time is something that is very rare in place like Delhi.

I prefer to travel in second boogie of metro as its relatively empty as compared to rest of the metro. I waited on platform 1, resting myself on the wall with support of one leg. I wore only upper half of my blue rain coat as I left my office in Noida sector 15 in hurry. I was due to meet a very good friend of mine who lived in Saket on yellow line.

Waiting for metro brought the Rajiv Chowk station alive with memories.

The first time I came it was a cold winter evening of November. And Delhi winters are super romantic. I was standing on platform number 4 below a poster of TOTAL RECALL movie. A bit scared, happy and worried all at the same time. I was searching a girl in white top and light blue jeans. I spotted her first; even she was scanning the crowd. She stood wearing dress of my favorite colors and boy! Did she looked beautiful or what. And those coffee brown eyes were the best eyes I have ever seen in my life.

The best part was even she knew that I was gigantically mad about her eyes. I use to tell her like thousand time “teri ankhe mujhe dede. Mai tumhari ankho ka divana hu” and she used to shy away like a small baby.

My head subconsciously turned right towards the holding where I saw her for the first time. But she was no where to be seen. The station is same, silver white metros are same, even nirula’s, CCD and even yellow and purple footsteps were at the same place but she wasn’t. Kind of an delusion I think.

Then I desperately tried to see those coffee brown eyes in thousands of people passing around me. Hoping to see them one more time and tell her how beautiful her eyes are. But I just couldn’t find them. All of them were strangers and in those estranged ghostly faces I tried to locate her wearing 5km long smile and amazing coffee brown eyes.

Where is she? Does she miss my presence? How can she not if I miss her like this?

To add cherry on top a couple stood in front of me holding each others hand. I smiled and said to myself “I hope you understand the importance of this, hold it and value it”

Now almost 2 years have past since she left me at this very platform, but my definition of love hasn’t changed. I still pray for her every morning. She was always blessed with good people around her. All I really hope that she understands there importance.

This is something that always happens to me at this station. Such experiences put me in a paradox. Trying to find a familiar face amongst thousands of unknown. Just the way you feel in a haunted place.

There is a ghost at this place. I am not sure weather that ghost is myself who becomes lost in his own presence or is it her who is present even in her absence.  

A REASON TO HATE YOU.

It was another boring Monday morning and it is the most incorrect day to get up early in morning. My god these Monday morning really tests your perseverance as an individual

My bed is just below the window of my 7^th floor flat in bandra west. Man I really hate to get up at 6.23 am on a monday morning which was a holiday

.

“Oh no man” I said to myself. Its usually the other way around.

I took the stock of situation and turned around to open the window behind me.

Initially it felt like it’s still dark. Much darker than it should be for a 6.30 am type in Mumbai. Instead it was very gloomy and heavily clouded. Gray is the best word I which I would describe the scene that I saw.

You know people rightly say “MUMBAI NEVER FAILS TO SURPRIZE YOU”

You can include me in the same club too.

The weather was perfect to go on date. a long awaited date with my beautiful red bike. I didn’t even care to take a bath, I just wanted to get out there and feel it.

White T-shirt and brown cargo was my attire and riding my bike over bandra-worli sealink was calming and intimidating experience.

 I decided to head for marine drive. I swear those 40 min were the best time I had spent on my bike ever. By 9.10 am I had reached. I was beautiful and by the time I reached it had begun to rain and Mumbai rains are to die for and I literally mean it!!!

The portrait of blue, gray and white was an amazing and shades of green just compliment the scene amazingly. The sea and sky looked like doing salsa. Tumbling and caressing in the horizon. Felt like they wanted to get dissolve in each other. Sea was no longer blue. Felt like the curtain of rain was an attempt to hide there dance. This is what I felt when I saw this play through the huge glass windows of Barista café while enjoying my coffee and garlic bread break-fast.

The down pour was hard and heavy. Mumbai rains are awesome.

Since marine drive was virtually empty any small movement far away could be noticed.

After an hour our so a lonely figure appeared in far vicinity. Frail and thin structure, long wet hair and hand crossed in front. Completely soaked, walking down marine drive road. A humane form of emotion and feeling. Living but lifeless. Alive but dragging. Eyes as cold as the weather itself and wet bunched hair forced to fly due to strong winds. She almost seemed like a ghost.

 The idea felt good and I too ventured out in rain. It felt great walking with my eyes closed and only thing I could hear was the symphony of sea and wind and light footstep coming from a distance.

I reached the end of marine drive towards nariman point and a 20 min walk felt like nothing. I saw the same girl standing at the end face of nariman point facing the sea a little far from me. A mesmerizing scene (above image is the same scene)

Felt like everything that needed to be spoken was said by the view itself. The rain was same, the sea was same the city in the background was same but this figure standing in it just added a load of meaning and life to it.

Felt like she was standing at the end of an imaginary bridge. I don’t know what was she starring at but I think at the other end of that bridge, trying to see her own life through the memories of past. Maybe she was trying to fill colors of her memories in this grayish image.

She stood there like a stone.

The only movement that she did was when a bird crossed from in front of her. her eyes followed that bird until it vanished in the skyscrapers of city of dreams.

Smiling and enjoying the flight of that bird. I saw her smiling when turned her head towards the left. Watching her gazing and smiling bought a smile on my face too. maybe she was no longer feeling lonely because I wasn’t feeling lonely anymore.

This is something I really like about Mumbai. In this city you might feel alone sometimes but it never leaves you lonely.

“I might not love you,

But it’s just that I couldn’t find A REASON TO HATE YOU”

 post your feedback and comments below.

mobbed...flash

Its really the first time when I am writing something without having the idea of the title that it would carry. It like you start scribbling something on a paper and as you go, you try to give it a shape and a structure.

Honestly I know content structure is always been an issue with me. But I think that’s what adds unique flavor to my writing.

Well here I am again. Going through some very good videos on youtube a few weeks back there was his something that got my attention straight-away. The trend of flash mob. I mean kudos to that XYZ person who came up with this idea of people in the crowd dancing for the crowed and that too in such amazing ways. The trend of flash mob has taken a huge lunge in the past half decade if I am not wrong.

I mean what is the back-bone of a flash mob ?

The mob itself.

I always wanted to be a part of any kind of Flash mob. The main reason behind it was that I love to dance and flash mob is a collection of such individuals. It feels great to meet so many people who have such an affection and dedication towards dancing. Secondly I was very eager to know all machinery that works in order to make a normal group dance a flash mob.

I also had this grudge inside me from last few months. You it was kind of embarrassing and disrespectful to know that I wasn’t the part of my college flash mob. Its like a non bail-able offence against me. If there is a dance I had to be there. And I wasn’t even asked. Anyways its all past and now I have my chance. The most amazing fact about a flash mob is there are no face, no hero, no lead, no lights, no camera. Just simple, normal people. People having passion for dance, people how believe that performance is there only religion are dedicate to bring smile on other peoples face.

Trust me it feels great to see random unknown people smiling because of you. That is the best reward, even better than claps and shouting.

It a symbol of what any simple normal human being can do if they come together. One person can inspire a group of people, just imagine what a group of such individuals can achieve.

Inspiration or no inspiration, cause or no cause, camera or no camera the main aim of a flash mob is enjoyment.

For spectators and for the participants too. Flash mob is energy, a storm, dedication, practice, vision, willingness, passion and an attempt to know yourself and letting go of your own self for the group.

Hours of practice, clothes sweating wet, legs shaking with fatigue, multiple body-odor, thirsty throats, fight for last drop of water and doing the same routine …

Again…and again….and again…and again…till we drop dead on floor.

When we stand amidst crowd and the music starts nothing matters. there is nothing that you can do. Only thing you can do is enjoy the dance and the attention that you get doing it. You are doing what everyone watching you wants themselves to do.  

And the pinnacle of joy comes when you see your friends joining around you and your smile grows more and more. And your smile makes people watching you smile too. those 7 mins become the best 7 mins of your life.

I am honored to be a part of such a group and do not one but 2 flash mobs. I love to dance and that is the truth and flash mob gave me the stage to show my love to the world.

  Hope you guy love it too.

My dancing and my writing.

It was Saturday

It was 4.55 pm. Time seemed like passing very quickly. I looked around and everyone seemed in a hurry. Head swaying left right and people whispering. The whispering grew louder and louder as time when by. People asking last minute questions also good time to understand the fundamentals of long distance data exchange and mutual understanding and team work.

My paper was almost done and there was just enough time to write the second part of last question. I guess there are two techniques to write a exam paper. i.e either super ‘rattafication’ or super awesome speed.

Trust me 3 hours and 6 questions is a very tough ask. Good writing speed was a “MUST HAVE” thing for us.

I mostly relied on speed and creativity and concept. The type of technique commonly explained as “tying the goat around the tree and explaining tree”. Very famous and very effective technique I must say.

I could have wrote the answer in due time but I did a mistake of looking at my fastrack wrist watch which was gifted to me by a very special person. And then it happened. Shivering hands, deviated vision and a total mental lock-down. Everything froze but my hands were still writing. It was just too hard to believe in approximately 4 mins from now everything is getting over.

I had been waiting for this moment to come in my life since very long and now when it almost here all am doing is trying to explain some stupid point on fidelity and diversity w.r.t to computer communication system.

“Oh come now, you wrote like almost 5 questions. Let go it and feel the joy of this moment” one part of my brain said.

“Don’t you dare listen to that lazy creature. It for the last time you are writing an exam paper anyway. Finish it off with a bang!”

In this fight of mind weather to write or not I ended up doing a blunder of “oh shit!!” level.

I ended up writing a prayer in middle of answer. And before I could take any corrective action the invigilator was standing on my tomb with his hands stretching out and as I delayed a few seconds her expression changed like I was stealing right under her nose. And then in split second she snatched the paper right under my pen and thats it. The moment came and went just like that.

That time I felt like I am walking in slow motion and everyone is running and sprinting around me, it felt like infinity. It is here and I am in it.

I instantly knelled right in the middle of the class and said 'our Father' and 'hail Mary'.

Everyone understood hence no one interrupted me. This was my moment, my space and my zenith.

While praying a small voice creped in my head

“This is the feeling of success”

“This is what happens when you feel happy”

And then nothing mattered. Be failures of past, depressing memories, forgettable moments, sense of dissatisfaction or punishments caused by mind on body. None of it mattered they came and just vanished as the smile on my face grew brighter and wider.

Then all I was left with was an absolute sense of bliss, grace and achievement.

Jesus Christ! Saturday never felt so relaxing neither before nor after that.

Although in the biggest war of my life circumstances, world and negativity did win many battles and gave me serious kicking but ultimately the united states of Ignatius Lewis has won the war. Life tried to give me a Total Knock-out but it failed. The major casualties of this war were dreams, Time and friends. I feel I lost many in this war.

The journey from 53% to 74% was not easy. Some hurdles life added some I introduced myself. Now was the moment of acceptance and forgiveness.

By the time I stepped out of the class I had made peace with my mind, conscious and life. I felt like I was in this state of introspection for hours but it was only 5.10 pm.

And then snapped!

My friends brought me into reality by giving a really tight hug and almost crushed my ribs and I was still laughing. And then all I could hear was

“daru !!….daru !!….daru !!….daru !!…”

It was the sound of 100 odd vocal chords shouting the same word over and over and over again with increasing decibels in every repeat.

It was the Saturday I made truce with myself and now we both are ready to fight this world.

“Together”

 thank you dear friends.

please post a feedback or comment below.

If today is your birthday.

“oh no! Not again” was this your first reaction after reading this heading?

Well I couldn't find anything more suitable to entitle this write-up of mine. I know its kind of used up line. Seriously there is nothing that can be added into this as fair share of thing have been written, wrote said by many people from superstars to spiritual leaders. So i am not sure whether my thoughts would even contribute a single drop in this huge ocean.

If you think I am adding anything new or something that could reveal some sort of secret I guess you would be terribly disappointed after reading this. This is just stray thought that came in my mind which inspired me to write this.

To be very honest birthday is a very special day in ones life. There are various reasons for it but the main would be that this day not only brings happiness in your life but so many people apart from you too feel the joys effect of this day.  Probably, a direct God’s gift, something that you receive as soon as you are born i.e  chance to brighten other life with just your mere existence.

A ridiculous theory that my mind came up with was since god is always preoccupied with the keep so many people away from sadness which could be really pain in the ass. So he distributes his job of keeping everyone happy ONE BIRTHDAY AT A TIME. Isn’t it true that so many people feels happy when its your birthday. If any given day you ask your parent which was the happiest day in their life, hands down they will say that the day you were born.

Happiness of your friends is mostly oriented towards satisfying there taste buds with all kind of flavored indulgences and taking a dive in the booze tank. But however mode they chose to express it they are happy aren’t they? Only contradiction to it would be the “Gyani vyaktis” vision of happiness which according to them is unconditional. But in planet earth the most endangered species are these Gyani-vyakti.

But honestly happiness is the only good thing that one can spread in this world and your birthday gives you LICENSE TO THRILL. It’s like the bhrama-astra or the ultimate weapon to make anyone smile.

Take the test just go to anyone and say “it’s my birthday today.” That’s it.

Trust me happy would be the first word that will come out of mouth straight from the heart with a long smile and bright eyes. Just give it a try if you wanna make someone happy. Also who has the time to cross check the validity of you birthday claim.

Now here is a secret of mine that am sharing with you. I enjoy the birthdays of my friends and family more than I enjoy my own. March and April are like the worst time to have birthdays because its exam time always. So there you go I confess it.

On a very serious note its like an excuse for us to be happy and dress up in your best clothes, buy the best possible gift, give hard ass kicking (a.k.a birthday bums), icing make-ups and cold drink baths.

Although you love them little and swear a lot at that moment, but they mean it when they say

“happy birthday and god bless you dear”

And what they get in return is priceless. Be it a blushing thank you, a million dollar smile or an emotional swearing hug. These things can make even dead laugh and make your day the happiest day of your life.

Like Christmas is the day of giving, holi is a day of sharing similarly birthday is the day to accept. Whatever small, big or nothing others give you. Bershram hoke accept kar lena. And before going to bed just close your eyes and thank the almighty for you are some of those few lucky one who made it to see this day and make a wish for yourself and a promise too.

Everyone is precious and special. You even more than what you think you are. Make it count.

Happy birthday! Dear.

feedback and comments can be written below.

SLAMBOOK

Bhurrr….bhurr….bhurr…bhurrr….

“What the hell”. It was my mobile buzzing. Initially I couldn't remember why I set an alarm as early as 4.30 in morning.

“oh shit!!” the reason then come gushing in my mind.

“She is leaving today. I must hurry!!”

Well it was advent of summer still i could fell the chills that early in morning as I left my place. Destination being Nagpur railway station, sights and scene of Nagpur in night is to die for.. Her train was departing from platform 1, AC boggy number 3. Just to be sure I called her up even though the platform was relatively empty with few people & surprisingly clean too.

And there she was! Wearing super fit jeans, shoes and double layered jacket. She looked fat in them but trust me she not at all fat. She could make any girl feel conscious about herself. She was short, fit and cute. Looking at her smiling would make me thank god everyday for sending her in my life.

Her father an army intelligence officer was also present there. God ! he always made me feel uncomfortable. There were many qualities unique to her which transpired into me too. Like the way we use to fight for the last bit of already melted kulfi. And those fight were intense and serious and a regular phenomenon. It feels really stupid now when I look back on those fights. Another thing that used to annoy me a lot was whenever we had indulged in pani-puri feasts she somehow used to manage her way out to pay the bill. This used to really piss me off. The only way for me to pay those bills was by doing an advance payments.

“Jesus Christ she was such a jerk”

There is something about these army daughters that excites me a lot. But she was way too cute to be a typical army daughter. There was this one instant when we were reading our sign-outs. I think it was the scene rather than what was written that made her senti. A black puppy somehow managed to get his head stuck in a plastic bottle and he was screaming.

She wanted to help him but she was too scared to get near that puppy. Scared and concerned at the same time. When I went ahead to help him she started screaming and crying.

“oh my god! Stop it you stupid you are hurting him…” first and then “jaldi …karo…jaldi..karo”.

The puppy was dirty and I somehow managed to get his head out of it and threw the bottle after crushing it.

And when I turned towards her she was socked in tears and crying like hell

“stop crying… or should I buy you a lollipop” I laughed.

As I approached her she slapped me and hugged me.

“That was really stupid, you idiot” she continued.

“well it worked na?” I asked

Then she wiped her tears on my shirt and sleeves and sucked her nose in.

Later she said “this is a very nice shirt. White color suits you.”

“ha ha ha…it was…. Teri lollipop pakki ho gayi” I laughed.

“but your deodorant is really pathetic” she murmured.

“well that’s the dog smell” I whispered and she slapped me hard in arm and was laughing while crying at the same time like a baby. Amazing days I tell you they were.

While remembering these stories I say her army intelligence father starring at me. Trust me these army guys are good in what they do. Well coming back to present the main reason for me being there was to get my SLAMBOOK back from her. we talked a little and then it was time. She bid farewell buy hugging her parents and just said BYE to me after giving me my SLAMBOOK.

“that’s way too simple to say bye” I thought.

To my surprise when I open it it was all filled up. I was so happy and glad.

The last two lines written in it was

THE SHIRT WAS ACTUALLY NICE !!!.....AND THE DOGGY ODORED GUY IN IT TOO. WHERE YOU HITTING ON ME???

Rest is not important. I had already started to miss her and train hadn’t even left the platform.

Will miss you all guys. This one special is dedicated to those entire how shared my life and making it what it is today “A SLAMBOOK FILLED WITH EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS”.

feedback comments are welcome below.

SUMMER CALLING!!

Cold days have almost bid farewell to us and things are really starting to get heated up. If you ask me the best nights are summer nights. Why? I don’t know maybe they have a real cozy feeling about them. These were the thoughts that started to trickle in my mind while I was sitting on the lawn of my college.
I never really understood why people never sat on them. They are not that bad. There was a strong breeze of warm air a little higher from the green mate and a cold and addictive soft wind near to the green grass surface and as I starred towards the college building from a place I have never seen it, it was mesmerizing.
But it felt different. The type of feeling you get when you know things are moving ahead. Just how you feel when you look at the second’s arms of the clock that you are wearing when it’s ticking. Exactly the same feeling is brought about by summer.
For some summer means ice-cream, cold drinks, nimbu pani, exams, vacations, sweat and cooler. Yes its exactly the same thing but if you ask me, this time SUMMER means TRANSITION.
A time when even trees let go of there old leaves. Summer is nature’s way of indication that’s its time to let go of old things and preparing to welcome new and fresh things. That’s why I said summer means transition, when we migrate from old and welcome new.
This how you feel when you are writing on a page and last 4-5 lines is left. Kind of a dilemmatic situation where you don’t want to write further more on that page as you know new page is just a turn away where you can start fresh and neat. On the contrary you don’t want to exit that current page as it hold memories of past. I refer such feeling as SUMMER CALLING!!!
The significance of summer in our life is like the significance of a candle in a dark room. The candle itself is very small as compared to the vast darkness and size of the room.
On the other hand although a candle separately has a very minimal effect but when its taken in a dark room its value surprisingly increases. It eliminates darkness subtlety but effectively where it is taken.
Such is the importance of summer in life cycle of earth.
It enhances the importance of winter and monsoon. A feature no other season is gifted with. Strangely it’s neither as loud and as dramatic as the monsoon nor as demanding and dull as winter.
Summer is subtle. No doubt it’s harsh and strict too but it doesn’t mind when you pray for rain and cold winds in his kingdom.
Summer is hot and magical. You will feel its magic working.
Don’t hate summer! It’s a catalyst for other seasons.
Happy birthday to me!!
feedback and comments are welcome.... it s my birthday so do remember to wish me....